Honors and a IEP

Well as many know my oldest had a dx list a mile long. He is also in the honors high school. Last year when it came time to redo his IEP it was all new to everyone. He has always been mainstreamed the difference this time was he had tested and qualified for honors. You see most people tnk of a IEP only for kids that are falling behind. In our case it keeps him from falling behind.

Years ago when we got the first IEP I had to fight. We had to dance a round a bit because on one hand we had a very frustrated child and on the other we had a C student. C student is good enough for the school. At first they said look he passes tests, he has decent grades that's good enough. We fought back that no it is not. That he is not reaching his potential. That there is a academic affect. Also that waiting for him to fail was not a option.

We had a great teacher that was on our side. When asked in the meeting to forget the tests and look at him vrs other students was he up to par. This is where she said no. She admitted that she had been grading him differently than others because she knew that he knew the information but just couldn't do what was asked. So she found different ways to get it done. With that the IEP was written.

Now fast forward to going into HS. While this is a new backfield for all of us. We are doing our best. We have two high schools involved, which means two sets of caseworkers, 2 different admins of schools. So far three weeks in all is well.

When we had the initial meeting the caseworker was hmm well this is a new one for me. She also said she relized from reading the records that taking away the supports would not be good for him. No one wanted him held back just because it was new territory, so this year will be a bit of trial and error.

Today I would love to go back to that first principal and say hey remember when you said there was no educational impact that C student was fine. Well look at him now. When the schools stepped in stopped fighting everything and helped we now have a A student in honors everything and headed to MIT. (that's where he wants to go right now). Would we be here without the supports. Probably not. We would more than likely have a C student who was not being educationally challanged that was bored.

To all the educators out there I would ask one thing of you. Stop looking at the tests, stop looking at the grades, look at the person. Sure they may be a average student but are they reaching their potentional. Is there something that could be done to help them reach higher. It may be a bit more red tape to get through. More than likely it will be more work for you, but they payoff is worth it.

How Do You Explain the Unthinkable

Today is Sep. 11. A day most will never forget but I can't seem to remember. I remember waking up and being in a panic. A panic to find my father who was supposed to be in the pentagon for a meeting that morning. He is one of the stories of meetings canceled, woke up late, took a different way to work that were not where they were supposed to be. If he was this would be a whole different story. After that it was just a blur. Still twelve years later I have not been able to make myself go to the pentagon memorial.

Back then I only had one child. Roger was two years old. The others were not born yet. Yet they hear about it at school. The school has their moment of silence every year. They hear about it from teachers. I heard on our news today the anchors saying schools should not talk about this. That kids should be shielded from all the bad in the world.

I don't agree. No matter what they are going to know. They know something happened. Maybe they do not need to know all the details but knowing about it is not a bad thing. I heard something a few years ago that has stuck with me. A member of the Army said "We need to remember today, but we don't need to remember the hurt and anger. It is better to remember the heroes of the day and all the good surrounding the day. Neighbor helped neighbor and this great country stood as one. That is what we should remember not the anger. If we only look back in anger than the terrorists have won."

So we do talk to our kids. We tell them some bad men did a bad thing. More so we focus on the heros. We focus on the lives lost. We look at them not the bad guy. The terrorist don't deserve a moment in this day. They are nothing. The heros. The normal everyday americans who lost their lives that day. This is their day.

There is no right way to explain the unthinkable. You do what you feel is best.

The Med Students Came

   
       As some of you know I got involved with a program through Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences. Basically that is a fancy word for med students. In this program they send first year medical students to the homes of special needs families. The point is to get them a real world feel for what it is really like beyond the textbooks.
 
       I got involved when my friend MA. Posted about the program on Facebook. They were asking for military families but I asked hey do you think they would accept a civilian family. MA was like yes you have to do this. Your family would be great.

       She then gave me R's contact info and I sent her a email. I briefly told her in the email that while we are civilian my husband is prior marine and I grew up Navy so we know how the military works. I also briefly outlined the needs in our house. Everything from ASD to a hemophilia. She replied back that we would be greatly needed. (ok I'm starting to get a complex about my family. lol).  R had me call her. I kid you not I spent over a hour on the phone with her. Mostly just BS talk. There was some explanation of the program but hey you know how it goes you get two special needs moms on the phone well we are going to talk. She really is one of the coolest people I have talked to. She might even be MA's long lost twin.

       We got everything settled and figured out we were a good match. I mean really even the dogs in the house are special needs. Before I got off the phone I had two visits set up.

      The first visit was on a Saturday. Two med students came one was Army one was Air Force. First off it was a pretty calm day. The kids just watched TV. They stayed for about an hour and asked questions. Pretty much wanting to know about what makes a good doctor. What am I looking for in a doctor. I told them you have to slow down and listen. That it is not always about you the doctor. Sometimes those conversations out of left field can give you clues about what happened. Someone may not think their fishing trip affected them a week later.

       We also talked about how if a patient had a comfort item no matter how silly it is to them. Unless it affects their care don't remove it. I remember when Roger had his tonsils out he brought his blanket. It was just a little crib blanket and he didn't want to give it up. The doctor said ok fine shove it under him. I can cover it it won't be in my way. Had he taken it it would have been a huge meltdown and just to much on everyone.

      Overall they asked great questions and I think they will do well. The only thing I would point out was they did not address the kids. That gets annoying to have someone talk to about while you are right there but never ask any questions.

       The second visit was the following Wed. Again two students one Army I don't know bout the other. Pretty much the same drill they stayed about 45 min and asked a lot of questions. These poor guys had to walk up to a house with kids and bikes everywhere. The neighbor kids were over this time.

       The second two were interested in the Dx. What they were, what age they were, how we found out? They also asked the kids questions. Which was nice. Since they were there they could get their input as well.
     
        When they asked about what makes a good doctor I told them pretty much the same thing but also added interacting with the kids. Before Lucy was verbal our family doctor talked to her all the time. She may not have answered him but he knew she understood him. That even if you have a non-verbal or semi-verbal patient they can still understand you. Talk to them.

         Overall it was a great experience and I do think all of them will do well. The idea of having med students to go into real life himes is great. They can see another side of medicine. The actual patients. If I was asked to do this again I would. I wish the four medical students I met the best of luck.

Not One of Us!

I'm warning you this is not going to be pretty. I'm pretty sure it is going to piss people off but maybe that is good. Right now I am angry. Angry at the person , angry at the autism community, angry at pretty much anyone.

It happened again. Last night it came out that a blogger attempted to murder her child and take her own life. Now i you remember a few months ago wen Alex was killed everyone was angry with his mother. Angry that she didn't do something anything else. Well not this time. The blogging community is rallying around his mom. Saying she was the strongest of us, she was a great mother' a fallen warrior. Basically she is not getting outrage and let her rot in jail she is getting poor her. It was so hard. Well you know what that is not a excuse. Nothing can be said to make me accept what what she did as OK. What about Issy?

The cry is we need services, we need this and we can stop this. Yeah sure we need services but to stop the murders we need to stop making it OK. We need to stop making the murders martyr. What about Issy?

Luckily last night she was not successful though her daughter has been left with permanent bran damage from this. Everyone keeps saying she snapped. But the method she used is not one of someone who snapped. It took planning. It took intent. She didn't just go I can't do this and drive off a cliff. She drove to a secluded area where they wouldn't be found easily and lit two grills in her van. Now how did the grills get there? How did they get lit? CO2 poisoning is not quick it takes time. What is it about this one that mom is being raised to martyr status. Still there is very little outrage . The facts are only coming out now more info will come out in her trial.

Is the lack of outrage because she is a known blogger? People feel like they know her. Guess what it's online. We only share online what we want people to know and see. You don't know what was going on in real life. Only what she chose to share. What about Issy?

The whole lack of services line. Really give me a break. In her own blog she stated they were approved and had found a provider for one on one in home care. Sure the school was being a jerk but hey that happens to all of us. There was another that welcomed her daughter in. Sure it wasn't ideal and meant that mom was gong to have to move away from other kids for a bit. It wasn't permanent just while they got things sorted with the other school. Or that was my take on it. So once again we have a case where it was not lack of services it was the parent did not want what was offered. Sometimes we need to take what we can get while we make our case for more. What about Issy?

I am really tired of every time a special needs person is killed everyone feels bad for the murderer. Well not me. In my opinion blogger or not she is right up there with Alex's mother and should see the full punishment of the law. She is not one of us. The majority of us would never kill our child and if you think it could be you, you need to talk to someone because that is not right. 

Here's the thing no one is talking about Issy they are talking about mom. I wont print her name because just as with Alex it is Issy that deserves the talk.

 If you purposely kill your child you are wrong and you are a bad parent the end!

This Years Goals

The kids are back in school. That means mom has some extra time during he day. I do have some goals for this school year in list form.

• Take some classes. It's no secret I'm kind of a nerd. I have signed up for some classes through coursea.com. They are free classes taught by real schools and real teachers. I am taking a class on vaccines right now. I also have a writing and poetry class coming up. hey have a whole list and wide variety so whatever gets my interest I can sign up for and if I don't like it oh well no money lost.
• Revamping the blog. I usually don't talk about myself much but there are things I struggle with. Things that people would think should be easy. Stuff like cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. I have found ways to get through these things.
• Running. I want to do The Autism Societies 5k in October so I want to try. 
• Write more. I have always played with the idea of writing a book. So maybe I will. See how that goes.
• I was just recently appointed to my school boards special education advisory board. So I have that once a month. It may even help me get my foot back into the job force.
• Find a job. We really need the money, I have been unemployed for five years. I have been looking but no luck. I am switching careers due to injury so I run into a lot of no experience. Why are you switching? You are Over qualified.
• I have a few projects around the house. Dining table and Lucy's desk both need to be redone. 
• Work on Lucy's dollhouse. She has a old school wooden one that needs updated. We need to go get some wallpaper and pant samples so we can fix it up. She can also use some new doll house furniture. 

That is a few to start with. So lets see what I get done. Do you have any goals for yourself this school year?

Where Do We Go From Here?

Things are going to be changing up around here. Roger has expressed feelings of not wanting to be written about here. That's fine, I will respect his feelings. As long as I have written this blog Roger has always had the final say on anything that is written about him. I show it to him first and he can say yes or hey mom I really don't want that out there. So now the question is what do I do now?

At first I was just going to quit. Just delete everything. Then a couple of blogger friends talked me out of it. There are not many blogs about autism and teenagers. You have plenty of parent blogs with young kids and then there are autistic adults who run their own, but very few approach teenage years. There will be some changes around here. I'm not sure what or how yet. I just know things will be changing up and it could be bumpy for a while. I just need to figure out the direction I am going and how to get there while respecting my child's wishes. Above all his wishes come first. 

Here's to a Great Freshman Year

School starts here next week. The supplies are bought (well most of them). The clothes and shoes are ready. This year Roger starts High School.

We went to open house last night. So far so good. The school is huge but not unmanageable. We meet all of his teachers at his main school last night. He will be going to two schools this year because he was excepted into the informational technology program through the schools STAT program.

So far it looks good. All of his teachers are young which is a good thing. They are old enough to have been teaching a few years so they know how to control a classroom yet young enough to not be stuck in their ways and willing to think outside the box. Not one batted a eye when Roger said he wanted to use one notebook for all classes. It was OK whatever works for you. As long as you have your work no big deal how you organize it.

I had been in contact with the overall head of student services and she has always been on top of her responses to me. Today I heard from his case worker. She too is on top of things and knows where the anxiety is and will be sure to check in on him a bit more in the first few weeks.

I was probably most impressed by the history teacher. I'm thinking Mr. A may become Rogers favorite teacher. He told him a little about what they would cover. Also told him as long as he didn't say aliens built the pyramids he would do just fine. To that Roger said no the zombies did (Plants vs Zombie 2 reference). The teacher saw the joke in it. He even asked him what he wanted to do later and took the time to speak with each student one on one. Roger said he wants to go to MIT and the teacher said OK so you need to keep your grades up. We have tutoring in all subjects. Just remind me and I will get you set up with the tutors.

Roger has shown interest in a few of the after-school clubs. Forensics and Robotics to be exact. He also wants to try out for the soccer team later this year.

Even before school starts we have a great team going. So here is to a great freshman year.  We meet Lucy's teacher tomorrow night.