Thursday, June 19, 2014

Your Boobs Do Not Affect Me or My Marriage

Yesterday I read not one but two blog posts about your boobs. Both along the lines of blaming another woman for issues in their marriage. One was titled my husband doesn't need to see your boobs. Well guess what honey your husband will see other peoples boobs. Or do you avoid all pools, parks, beaches, basically become a shut in during the summer? Get over it. Some chick posting a bikini pic on Facebook is not destroying your marriage. Really it is your own insecurities that are going a damn good job of that.

Look we all have problems in marriage. Hey it's not a fairy tale everything is perfect, but blaming others does not help. You need to look at what's you are doing, what your husband is doing, not bitch about the young hot thing who's wearing a bikini on the beach.

If you don't like how you look do something about it. Bitching on the internet does nothing. Really though if it is that big of a issue that you ban your spouse from social media during the summer I highly suggest you seek professional help. It's not good for you, your husband, your kids, or your marriage.

Here's the deal us married people can see a decent looking person and think wow he/she looks good. We can even think in our heads if I could just have 5min with him/her. That's normal and guess what it doesn't affect our marriage. None not at all. It's a passing idea. It has no say in how we view our spouse.

So it's not that your husband doesn't need to see her boobs. You need to lighten up and get over it.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Weekend

Did you all survive the long weekend? ours started off pretty shaky. Husband was supposed to have a 4 day weekend. Well that turned into a three day and then a two day. Side job needed to be done. So come Sunday he finally had a day off.

Sunday pretty much nothing got done. Smoked some ribs for dinner. Let the ducks out into the yard. Not really much. I ran some errands. One was off to ABC for liquor. While I was in there some guy walks back in after making his purchase and asks for another bag. No big deal right. Yeah he blurts out I need a bag some lady is going to give me her crabs. Umm OK dude. Cashier and I just stood there and stared at each other before finally laughing.



While my husband was playing with his grill, some guy drives up. Ok he helped us dig a ditch a few months ago, but we don't know him past that. We are not friends. We have talked to him maybe twice, for less than 5 min. Anyways he comes driving up and asks to park his camper right in our front yard oh and he doesn't know how long. Who does that? Who asks someone they don't know hey can I park my ugly broke down camper in your yard. That would be a negative. No you can not park anything in my yard.

I only imagine this is what would have been left.

Then comes Monday. The day of the cook off. Husband smoked a pork butt and a beef brisket. Most of the day was quiet and later on people started to come. We had probably 30 people here. Man were there some stories. Everything from a flip flop flying to a broken chair.

One of the neighbors was being silly and teasing me. So yeah I took my flip flop off and tossed it at him. Direct hit, his hat went flying. Everyone laughed because yeah I was not trying to hit him.

Another male neighbor grabbed my husbands ass, that was like hmm OK then dude where did that come from.

Everyone ate and everyone was happy.

To end the night husband sat in a old plastic chair and it broke. Husband is fine the chair well we will be having a funeral later in the week for it.



Then I get up this morning and wow the kitchen blew up. That was fun cleaning up.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Not Always As They Seem

With the age of social networks one of the things we have been working on is explaining that people are not always who they seem to be. That people do lie. People do stretch the truth for many different reasons.

Of course there will always be the predators who's intent is to harm others. We always want our kids you be aware of them. You know things like don't friend people you don't know, never meet anyone from the computer. Yes I know I have broken these all myself.  So if you must meet someone let others know where you are going and meet in a public place.

Beyond the predators there are the attention seekers. You know the kind, the ones who always have some trauma or drama going on. Typically their intent is just to get attention. You can tell this by watching the shifts in their story. It becomes more traumatic as attention fades. Someone who tripped and bruised their knee now needs a life saving surgery.

The third type are the scammers. They always need money. I'm not talking about the little donate button on a blog or the ads. Hey if a blogger can make a couple bucks go for it. I am talking about the people who repeatedly get in desperate situations. Every couple months they are losing the house or need to pay utilities. They are always looking for others to pay their bills while they sit around with the latest and greatest toys.

Now I'm not saying everyone in internet land is out to scam or harm. I am just trying to teach my kids to pay attention. If something doesn't seem right it probably isn't. Before you send money or gifts pay attention to the persons past or others comments.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Missing

When a child or venerable adult goes missing there are two responses. First that it is a tragic mistake. The second someone must be fired. Which response you get depends on the circumstances. Let me paint a picture for you.

It's a nice sunny day and a group of people are out enjoying the day. One of the group members wanders off. Everyone goes into search mode, police are called, etc. Sadly there is no good end to the story. The person was hit by a car as they tried to cross  the street.

Ok now what do you think? What would you say if I said it was a family reunion? That the person just slipped off. In a family situation we would all say it can happen in a blink of a eye. In just a split second and it is no ones fault.

Ok same situation but it is a school field trip. Maybe the side bent down to tie her shoe? Maybe another student called got her attention? In a split second that blink of a eye things can happen. The difference no one will give the side any sympathy. More often than not people will be demanding she is fired and faces criminal charges.

Why do we hold teachers, aides, therapists in this super human realm. They are not allowed to make mistakes. They cannot be human. They must be above human at all times. Sure there are many cases to many to count of just outright neglect and abuse but there are dome cases that it was human error. Not any worse than an error any one of us could make.

I guess all I am saying is let's put the pitchforks down. Let's work together. Let's get all the facts in a case before we burn people at the stake. After all we are all human.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Controlling the Chaos, the Book Chaos

I have a weakness, one that I have passed down to my children. Books. I have to have them. It might be a problem. Last I checked I had over 100 downloaded to my iPad. In the house well lets not talk about that. Ok lets talk. If I was able I would have stacks everywhere, but alas I can not. You see you have to have this thing called furniture and a place to store food. Most people would probably like to walk. Trust me unchecked I would probably become a house on hoarders, just minus the garbage and dead cats.

My solution: I have restricted myself to one shelf. This helps by making me get rid of books I don't need and will probably never read. When I am done with a book I hold on to it for a bit then think will I read this again? If not off it goes. Off to ebay or donated to the library. Better than collecting dust around here.

One shelf may sound like a small amount of room but really you can fit a lot on it. That also does not mean that I don't have them stashed in my car and other rooms in the house. Just trying to not end up on hoarders one day.

Monday, April 7, 2014

My Messy Beautiful Marriage (Autism, Sex, and Marriage part 2)

A while back I wrote this post.  If you missed it go ahead go read it I will wait.............Ok are we all caught up now good.  I guess this is part two.

I could have called this post everything TV gets wrong and no one will tell you about marriage. In most TV and movies the girl always gets the guy and they ride off in the sunset happily ever after. Yeah sure that happens. For about a week. Then life hits. kids, bills, work, family. in all reality marriage is this messy, crazy, chaotic yet beautiful ride.

Honestly it is not the good times that define your marriage but the bad. How did you come out at the end. Husband and I have been through things that would have broken most people. Not because it was really bad, but because people expect the hollywood fairy tale all the time.

Sorry things will not always be perfect. There will be fights and disagreements. There will be gains and losses. There will be hard times as well as good. All of the messy is needed for the good. If everything was always butterflies and rainbows you wouldn't appreciate the good times. Then add special needs to the picture and crap things get messy.  It's also easy to get so lost in the triage of who needs what now to forget your spouse. To forget they need you too.

We tend to enter marriage with grand ideas and expectations. Then life smacks us in the face. is, addictions, special needs, sickness, death, people get laid off, bills get behind, and sometimes you just don't know how you put food on the table. These times are a blip. Years later when the kids are grown they will remember the struggles just not how you think. They wont say mom and dad couldn't provide for us, they say they did the best with what they had. They worked as a team to get through it all.

So in the end it is up to you. Are the two of you going to work together and enjoy the ride bumps and all, or will you throw in the towel and walk away.



*This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more  and add your blog, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Behaviors and The IEP

One thing many people do not realize can be put in a IEP is punishments for behaviors. Sure there's the Behavior intervention plan that is part of many IEPs but is what in there appropriate? Does it really help or does it increase behaviors?

I have seen IEPs where it it clearly stated that the child is not to be sent home for behaviors. Sometimes the schools get into a habit of calling mom or dad every-time the child acts out and having him sent home. This does not work.

The send the kid home approach makes behaviors increase not decrease. What the school is doing is teaching Johnny that hey if you act up we will call mom and you get to go home. Guess what Johnny just figured out how to go home and avoid whatever he doesn't want to do at school.

The fix is pretty simple. If it is stated that the school cannot call mom to come get Johnny because they are just reenforcing behaviors, the school is now forced to do other things. They can no longer just make a phone call and be rid of him. Same goes for suspension. For many kids in school suspension is a much bigger deterrent than out of school. One of my kids went through a suspension run. It didn't bother him because he had figured out how to get out of school.

Now they have to find out what is going on. Best way to stop unwanted behaviors is to find the reason behind them. What happened right before Johnny hit the teacher? What happened earlier in the day? Is this a build up or was there a trigger? Oh there was a disruption in the schedule. Ok what can be done in the future. We can warn Johnny of the change ahead of time when ever possible.

Behavior is communication. When everyone takes a step back and looks at the whole picture not just the act solutions can be found. Sometimes in this process you may find that Johnny is not in a proper placement, it can be as simple as changing teachers or as extreme as switching schools. When it comes down to it everyone's best interest needs to be making sure Johnny is in a setting that he can reach a full potential.

So my suggestion to any parent that finds themselves on the receiving end of phone calls from the school to come get Johnny. Demand a meeting. Sit down with the team. Demand answers to why the behaviors are occurring? What is the school doing? Are they trying anything or just skipping to calling home? Would a placement change help Johnny? Get a plan in line for appropriate actions that can be used rather than calling home. Make the school do their job. Make them answer. If your child is old enough an d wants to bring them into the meeting, let them have their say on what is going on.

The number one thing I would like to say is you are not a failure. Your child is not a failure. There is no shame in asking for help or making the school step up and help you find solutions. Remember in the end it is not about you, it is not about the school, it is about what is best for your child.