Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Is it Bullying or Not

A little while ago Roger wrote this post about being weird.

My facebook post Monday night:
As if this day can't get any worse. Details later. Roger shows me his thumb it's a little bruised and a little cut not to bad. conversation goes:
Roger: Does this look bad it still hurts
Me: No what did you do?
Roger: Some kid slammed my locker closed on it. I'm 90% sure it was a accident.
Me: Is his locker near yours?
Roger: No its a couple lockers down. I'm 90% sure it was a accident. 10% that it's not.
Me: so he had to walk to get to your locker? Did he have Mr. Z that class. (Rogers locker is right next to a classroom not in a main walkway.)
Roger: No
Me: *in my head*I'm 99% sure that was no accident.
Follow up post Tuesday morning:
  Just got off the phone with the assistant principal. He says he will look into it and call me back today. He says someone may have been playing around or it could have been accidental but he will see what he can find out.
A few hours later I got a call back:
  Well the school is claiming the kids are just playing. Really he's being called names and I am having meltdowns almost everyday after school. They may think they are playing but they are not. As for Roger really is you ask him are you just playing he will say yes.
I used to work in a middle school, I understand kids do play around and sometimes injuries happen. Do I really believe that is what is happening here. No! If was just a smashed finger ok yes probably playing around and accidental. Even Super Uncle at first said middle school kids do dumb things. When I then said what if I told you this incident came after weeks of name calling and increased meltdowns at home, and grades dropping? Super Uncle said that was no accident.
Typically is Roger says "I'm 90% sure it was a accident" means it's not. He is also the kid that someone could walk up to him punch him in the face and so oh I'm sorry it was a accident and he would believe it.
Now we have to figure out what our next step is. I will be sending the school an email reiterating my concerns (always do it in writing so you have proof). Our IEP is next week so we will bring it up then as well. The school may think talking to just Roger and having him say it was a accident is sufficient but it is not. I don't know if the other kid was talked to because it falls under some privacy crap. I didn't ask for a name just if he had been talked to as well. 
When are schools going to wake up and realize this is serious. This is not just teasing, I live in a county that has the highest suicide rate of students. Something NEEDS to change, not soon NOW!!!  The Bully Project has a documentary coming out from the previews ever kid should have to watch it as well as every school administrator that thinks they can just sweep it under the rug.


  1. Do you have anything in the IEP about social delays? If not it should be addressed as he is being picked on and should be given the social skills to deal with it: be it knowing to tell an adult right away, to read others expressions to know when they are threatening, etc. Social skills tutoring individually or in a group is needed. Plus that gives Roger an adult in school with whom he has social conversations on a regular basis. Keep pushing at the school, you are right.

    1. Yes we do have a social skills group in his IEP. It's about the only thing the school has followed. He goes there every week. He really likes his history teacher so I told him he can tell him anything, that he will help him. But your right if he doesn't recognize it as bullying of course he wouldn't tell anyone.
      We also have him asking for help in his IEP because he doesn't he will just sit there and get frustrated rather than ask.

  2. Since an injury is involved, contact your local special needs lawyer if you don't get it solved. Your local autism society should have a list of lawyers specializing in disability law. Just knowing who to contact can make you feel more confident at the IEP meeting. That being said, when my guy was bullied repeatedly in early grade school, I moved him to another school. I don't know if that is an option for you.

  3. In the state of Indiana the law says all children with disability have the right to a private aid. I still had to fight for the right, and you know it might be a federal law-please look into it.
    My biggest help was my senator, my son is now 24 so when I went through all of this I was basically a lone. I also got help through a lady who runs a camp for children with Autism(she has three boys with it)Camp Awareness awesome camp, she charges according to what your family can afford.

    When I read this I have to say I cried the whole way through- not because my son was picked on during school hours it was after. No it was because this year my daughter started high school(she's a cheer leader and no one has ever picked on her before)And was tormented and bullied (caught on film) and why was this happening? Because in eighth grade she was raped-on school grounds-by a popular high school boy.

    Things are better now, not everyday day, but some days are. She is still in counseling-we also did family counseling.

    Here's the point in all that, even though I had counseling the anger and pain brought me to my knee's. That's when I started blogging.
    I also started a women's forum where it's safe to talk about anything, yell, scream, cry, laugh whatever you might need, no judgement, just acceptance. It's private so the outside world can't see it.You can find out more about it at no pressure just thought I'd let you know. I found you o
    n Blogaholic's Autism Group.