In our house we have 2 kids with autism. Roger has a official dx, while Lucy is skirting around the edges with what the doctor said is borderline autism. I'm still not sure what that is. All I know is what they say and what they say is she has many traits of autism but not enough for a official dx.
Many people will look at the two of them and say she doesn't have autism, or why would you say she does. Well because she does. Just because she doesn't act exactly like her brother doesn't mean nope no autism here. Autism is a spectrum disorder and the saying if you meet one child with autism you have met one child rings true here.
We tend to talk about Roger more because well he needs more supports than his sister at this time. When she was 3 Lucy needed more supports. She is the one who had the IEP, who had speech, who needed the most at the time. It's always changing. She also does not have as many dx's.
We know that she does not have the executive functioning disorder that Roger has. Actually her testing said she should be the model for other kids when it comes to executive functions.
She no longer needs speech but we went through 2 intensive years of it through the school district just to get her to talk. She didn't talk until she was almost 5.
He can read and remember just about anything forever. She forgets a lot and may be dyslexic.
Her little tics yes she has them are not as pronounced as Rogers mainly because she does not have a movement disorder that in all actuality makes his worse.
She has more social skills than her brother but she is still lacking in that department.
She is also a girl and girls present differently.
She has to have everything perfect, everything in it's place and homework must be perfect or she will get upset.
I'm not writing this to say she is better than or anything like that just that they are very different. I'm sure I can go on and on but I don't want to compare them. They both have their strengths and weaknesses as all people do. There is no look to autism, no set of behaviors that are exact, it is a spectrum. With that people will fall in different areas, it does not mean one is more autistic than the other they just present differently and have different challenges.