Thursday, February 14, 2013

I Almost Quit

When I started this blog really I didn't think anyone would read it.  Surprisingly you did and you responded.  It's no secret that the autism community is very divided and because of that I almost quit.  I almost closed this all down because I was tired of the personal attacks and just can't deal with it anymore. But I didn't, I'm still here.

One thing about me I don't quit, I don't let the bullies win. Sorry parent, autistic, non-autistic, black, white, yellow, female or male, really I don't care who you are when you start attacking others you are a bully.  When you start saying I know nothing because I am not you, I'm just a parent, your child's different  etc...  Well I'm sorry yes I do.  I may not know your story, your experience but I do not speak for you I have never claimed to speak for anyone but myself.  

I didn't give up when in a bad marriage I stood up dusted myself off and did what I had to do to survive. Believe me sitting in that courtroom was one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life.

When I had my first child before I graduated high school, I didn't give up I just kept going.  People said I would be nothing well they were wrong, not only did I graduate high school but college as well. 

I didn't give up when my daughter was not talking when she should have been. I went to the school district for help and they gave it to us.  Now you would never believe she didn't talk until age five.

I didn't give up when I got hurt to the point I couldn't work. I fought through years of therapy to try and get back to where I was. I will never go back to nursing, physically I can't. I'm not going to give up. That door is closed so I got my marketing degree.

I didn't give up when we realized Roger was having trouble in school.  Just because the school couldn't figure it out didn't mean nothing was wrong, so I figured it out. I made the rounds with him to different doctors until we found out what the trouble was.

I didn't give up when the neuropsych said your child is autistic.  Nope I asked what dose he need to be successful.  Took the info went back to the school and got the IEP in place.

I didn't give up when a group of people wanted to make choices for my child without talking to him.  I demanded he be present in the meeting and his needs be discussed with him as a full participant.  He can tell us what works and dose not work for him. 

I keep going, but I'm sure you get the point here I don't give up.  Please do not take this wrong I love my readers and followers but I do not do this for you.  I do this for me.  If someone gets something out of it great but that's not my goal.

I can only tell my families story, our experiences, how I think.  I'm sorry I can't change my way of thinking to appease others.  I would never ask someone to change how they think to be accepted by me.  I feel it is really unfair to ask the same of me.  Dose everyone agree with me, No of course not. It would be pretty boring if we all thought the same exact way.  We all see things and experience things differently.  It is unfair to tell someone their experience is invalid or wrong because it's not the same as yours.   The best way for you to drown your own voice out of the conversation is to start attacking others.

Disagree that's great. New knowledge comes from respectful disagreements and discussions   Leave the personal attacks out.  I guess what I'm really trying to say is there is plenty of room for everyone's voice at the table of humanity.  

For now I'm staying, I will keep writing, I will keep telling our story because that's what I know to do. I don't know how to quit.


  1. I never thought when I started blogging that I would be obsessed with other people reading my stuff. I almost never got any comments so I took that piece off my blog because it drove me crazy and I became depressed. I do blog for myself, mostly to get it out and as a chronicle of what is happening in our family with James. Blog on and I am glad that you wrote this because I really needed to read it. PEACE from the Laughter, Could be the Missing Piece mum

  2. I wish I had the courage to force issues like my son attending that kind of meeting (im in another country to you so our meetings are not exactly the same kind...) but 1stly not knowing initially of my own autism I lack conflict confidence, and also was in a real fear state regarding my young child overhearing, again, groups of adults obsessively defining him as a clump of behavioural problems, pejoratively. sigh. but on the other hand he wouldn't have wanted to really participate in those meetings.... all his most hated staff present. My son is now being home schooled. :D