Monday, April 7, 2014

My Messy Beautiful Marriage (Autism, Sex, and Marriage part 2)

A while back I wrote this post.  If you missed it go ahead go read it I will wait.............Ok are we all caught up now good.  I guess this is part two.

I could have called this post everything TV gets wrong and no one will tell you about marriage. In most TV and movies the girl always gets the guy and they ride off in the sunset happily ever after. Yeah sure that happens. For about a week. Then life hits. kids, bills, work, family. in all reality marriage is this messy, crazy, chaotic yet beautiful ride.

Honestly it is not the good times that define your marriage but the bad. How did you come out at the end. Husband and I have been through things that would have broken most people. Not because it was really bad, but because people expect the hollywood fairy tale all the time.

Sorry things will not always be perfect. There will be fights and disagreements. There will be gains and losses. There will be hard times as well as good. All of the messy is needed for the good. If everything was always butterflies and rainbows you wouldn't appreciate the good times. Then add special needs to the picture and crap things get messy.  It's also easy to get so lost in the triage of who needs what now to forget your spouse. To forget they need you too.

We tend to enter marriage with grand ideas and expectations. Then life smacks us in the face. is, addictions, special needs, sickness, death, people get laid off, bills get behind, and sometimes you just don't know how you put food on the table. These times are a blip. Years later when the kids are grown they will remember the struggles just not how you think. They wont say mom and dad couldn't provide for us, they say they did the best with what they had. They worked as a team to get through it all.

So in the end it is up to you. Are the two of you going to work together and enjoy the ride bumps and all, or will you throw in the towel and walk away.

*This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more  and add your blog, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!

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