Dax the Dog

Making the Long Drive to The New House

Lounging in the Sun

Like many families we have a dog. A miniature dachshund to be exact.  He is a mean little dog to anyone outside of this house.  Roger got him as a puppy seven years ago.  We also say he has super powers. What is his superpower you ask?  He can calm a kid out of a meltdown in three seconds flat.  They start melting down he starts jumping around and barking at them.  Next thing you know the kids and the dog are running around the house playing. 

Dressed up as a Pumpkin

This past week when Lucy was sick for three days he just laid on the couch with her.  While he may be Roger's dog he has attached himself to husband and Lucy.  If Lucy is upset or just not right he will sit near her and stare her down until she pays attention to her.  He is a annoying little dog but the kids like him so he gets to stay.













Checking Homework



Yes He Thinks He is King

Did I Respond Correctly??

http://copywebsiteservice.info/hello-world/

OK I have to ask if I responded to this lady at the grocery store correctly, it all happened so fast. There was a woman at the store 2 people in front of us. I had My daughter with me as did she both girls were sick thats why they werent in school. Hers looked like death warmed over mine was pretty much over it. The elderly lady between us asked me if she was sick I said yes, she asked if she had had her flu shot I also said yes, that she is on day three of the flu but will be going back top school tomorrow. She then asked the lady in front the same thing only her response to the shot is what set me off.

When asked if her daughter had the flu shot she said: We dont do shots!
Me in my head: oh well to each their own.
Elderly lady: Can I ask Why? My daughter dosen't either.
Lady: because shots cause "the autism"
Eldery lady: Thats your only reason. Autism
Lady: yes don't you know autism steals kids and rips families apart, haven't you seen the latest article (Time??) and the comericals about it. (I'm assuming she ment autism speaks)
Me: EXCUSE ME!!! (both women look at me) Can I ask you a question do you have a child with autism
Lady: No
ME: teach autistic kids? have a friend with a autistic kid? (trying to see where she was comming from)
Lady: No
Me: so your judgement is from a poorly written article and commericals. hmm Well guess what I have two children with Autism. Guess what Autism did not steal them from me. if anything Autism has made our family stronger. If you gave me a magic pill that would remove autism from them we wouldn't take it, that child would not be my child who is perfect quirks and all.
Lady: I'm sorry I didn't mean ummmm
She was probably happy she was through the line at that point and could get the heck away from me. If my daughter wasn't there I probably would have blown up at her. As she walked away I just said Have a nice day. Elderly lady who started it all with a innocent question just smiled at us. Looked at Lucy and said she looks pretty perfect to me.

While this all happened very quickly less than 3 minutes, did I have the correct response? I mean I didn't physcially injure her like I wanted too. ALso why do these crazy people always end up near me? I feel like I'm a magnate for them?

Parenting & Religion

http://www.catholic-kids.com/

I follow Confessions of an Aspergers Mom (Facebook Page), she has two teenage boys on the spectrum so they have been where we are going.  She is a proud mom of her boys and you can feel the love in her writting.  She's also very real, it's not all butterflys and rainbows with her.  She tells it as it is no sugar coating anything.  One of the things she writes about on her page is her son Red's religious journey.  It's something he has chosen and she supports.  I have always admired this about her.  How she steps back and supports her sons journey but dose not push her own views on him.










http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/c/catholic_school.asp

Promise I have a point here.  My oldest has expressed a intrest in recieving his conformation.  I was raised Catholic and left the church once I was old enough to make my own choice.  For me some of the Catholic doctrine is a hard pill to swallow.  Not saying they are wrong just not the right fit for me.  Anyone that knows me knows I am not a religious person.  My kids were baptized Catholic to make family members happy.  Roger went to Catholic school up until fifth grade.  The public schools were lacking so I put him in private. Other than school he has never really been exposed to church.  Sometimes we go with the inlaws but other than that it is just not something we have done as a family.



When Roger first brought up wanting to recieve his conformation honestly my knee jerk reaction was not only no but hell no.  This is where Confessions comes in.  I've been reading her posts about Red's journey and while it may not be what she would do she completely supports him in his quest for faith.  I say say may because I don't know what her beliefs are and don't want to say the wrong thing. Based on what I've read she would support him wherever his journey to God takes him, except maybe a cult she would probably draw the line there.

So the point being I have learned from others, just because I don't follow the doctriane and it is not right for me dose not mean it is the same for my son.  Roger needs to have the ability to have his own journey in religion without me pushing my beliefs on him.  So if he wants his conformation I will support his choice.  I will do what I can to help him.  If he decieds later no I really don't want to do this I will support him again. Part of the journey is finding out what you believe for yourself. Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a parent is to put our own belifes aside and allow our children to decied what they believe.  Now he comes and tells me he's moving to a commune in the hills with some crazy man I'm going to have to put my foot down.

Step Away From Autism

This comes from a discussion with autism bloggers. Yes we are real people behind our pages.  The group is made up of parents and autistics.  The topic came up of do you sometimes just get sick of autism.  Not the autism itself just that all attention seems to be on a diagnosis rather than  a person.

Overall response yep.  As I said before we are real people.  We may write about about autism but part of real life is autism is not always center stage.  Sometimes we don't want to talk about autism, sometimes we want to talk about the most recent game, a book we read, what we are doing at work, there is more to us than just being autistic or being a autism parent.  Sometimes you have to step away from the autism and focus on life. 

http://quoteshelp.com/life-quotes/

Autism is the only dx I can think of that makes people stop living. It's not the autism that dose it, it is the person typically parents that fall into this fear trap.  If I had just stopped our lives and avoided doing things and going places because I feared a meltdown how many things would we have missed.  How many parties, shows, movies, sports would have been missed because of a fear.  I'm not saying meltdowns don't happen but I'm not going to avoid life because one might happen.

http://quoteshelp.com/life-quotes/

Let me put this another way.  I also have a child who is a hemophiliac.  If I refused to let him play outside, ride a bike, really just be a kid because he might get cut or scraped what kind of life would he have? A pretty boring one.  So I don't.  A lot like meltdowns we live life and if he happens to get cut or scraped I'll deal with it then.  Sometimes we end up in the ER but that's going to happen time to time its part of being a hemophiliac.

Then there is the whole title thing.  Once you have a dx you become autistic or a autism parent.  The person you were before the dx is still there but it seems like people can't see that person anymore. Everyone wants to over anaylaze what you do.  There must be a reason why?  Yes there is a reason because we like it. You become this walking information booth.  Where conversations may have been about your recent trip before now they are about autism.  Don't get me wrong we love that you want to ask questions and learn, but dose it have to be every conversation. 



http://www.boolumaster.com

Roger says "I'm still the same person as before.  Now we know why I sometimes do things that seem strange, why I get stuck on things, and why I sometimes just don't get it.  Not everything I'm interested in has to do with me being autistic.  Plenty of people without autism like to read and play with Lego's."  What he says is true.  Before the dx his likes were just that likes, now everyone wants to analyze and find some autism connection to his fascination with Dr. Who.  Really people he just like the show.  He doesn't over analyze your obsession with the Kardashians it's just a stupid show you watch. 

Overall what I am saying is step away from the autism dx and see the person.  Ask them about the book they read?  Ask how work is going?  Find out about them as a person.  We will never stop advocating and fighting for what we or our children need, but not everything is a fight.  Yes autism is a integral part of my children but it is not all of them.  Sometimes autism needs to be center stage, but not always.  Live life, have fun, let your kids be kids.  They may just surprise you.  I think Brad Paisley's song says it best "yes I have a hard life but in someways everybody dose."

WINNER My Memories

The Winner of the My Memories scrapbook software as chosen by random.org is wildworldofautism. Email me noguile04(at)yahoo.com with your email address.

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There's Something In The Water

Homestyle Mama started it I blame her with this.  That post lead to this one and this one.  What am I talking about meltdowns and not just a simple melt down (yes they can be simple) but a full out nuclear meltdown.  I'm not talking about the kids I'm talking about mom.  As a person you can only take so much before you lose your shit.  I finally hit my breaking point last Saturday in my driveway of all places and yes there were witnesses.  Who are still looking at me like I'm a little crazy.

On Parenthood last night I completley got Juilia's story line through the whole show watch Here

Now I know you want to know what happened, otherwise why would you still be reading.  Husband worked most of the day, the neighbors family was all off doing their thing dad was left at home.  As soon as husband pulled in the drive he came over he was really bored.  They talked for a little bit, I did my usual get kids fed and going in the bath, then I went out with them.

Yes we are all kinds of redneck around here three of us standing at the back of our truck drinking beer.  Kids were fine, everything was fine for a while.  I've been under a lot of stress from multiple things lately and husband knows when I get stressed out my body literally starts fighting me.  That was his first sign things weren't right.  I was complaining about pain but not my normal back pain that I'm used too it was different.  I had been sitting on the tailgate of the truck, but I kept standing and sitting I just couldn't sit still.  I went to pick up my beer and my hand twitched and I knocked it over we just laughed it off no big deal. a second later I reached my arm back to grab husbands hand and he saw my arm spasm and I knocked hi beer over.  Again laugh it off don't want anyone to know somethings not right.  Went to pick up my beer and I couldn't get my hand to grip enough to pick it up.  Once I got my grip on it I threw it at the garage door and just broke down in tears.  I just keep saying this isn't right somethings wrong.  Husband said I know you're doing too much you have to stop your killing yourself.  There is no shame in taking a break from everything and just being mom.

Obviously there is a lot of backstory to this.  As for my bodies reaction to stress, yes I have seen a doctor and they have no explanation at this time as to what is going on only that it seems to be a reaction to stress.  Our whole life is stress right now 4 kids, I'm in school, husband had lost his job,  he got a new one but rent is late and landlord is asking about it daily (which yes they have every right too), Utilities need to be paid, Porkchop's birthday coming up and no money to do anything, no second car so trying to figure out logistics for kids after school activities, oh paying for activities, I'm sure you've been there the list goes on and on.

Of course I took Homestyle's lead and we looked at everything, If I can't control it I'm not going to worry about it. If the landlord wants to evict us for being late once so be it nothing I can do about it.  On that note we are going back to how we used to do things. Husband is responsible for the rent. Landlord has been told you have questions concerning the house or rent contact him not me.  I have the utilities, keep up on the house stuff since I'm home and school well I'm taking a break from that.  For how long who knows.

Now just because I take care of the house does not mean I am a maid.  Everyone is responsible for their own rooms and helping keep their stuff picked up.  If you leave dirty laundry in your room and it doesn't get washed oh well you will have to wait or do laundry yourself. The only person I will go hunt dirty clothes for is husband, you know he works and lately it's been very long hours. Nine times out of ten clothes go where they should but sometimes they don't.

Some think I'm crazy leaving school because I am three classes from being done but it was a large part of the stress.  There have been so many tech problems this past class no being able to post, can't get assignments to post, unable to log into the system I am failing my current class.  Not due to me but tech issues.  I can't control the schools inability to fix or even address the issues with me so I'm not going to worry about it.

Overall one thing husband said was I have to stop holding everything in, until meltdown point.  That no one expects me to do it all.

Explaining Death

Friends and acquaintances dying is new territory for us.  In most peoples minds kids just don't die, and you never think one day it could be someone your kid knows.  It has happened and we have spent the last week trying to explain it, answer questions, deciding what to do.  In our case the school had already explained the circumstances to the kids.

On Monday Roger came home from school and said "school was depressing some kid I know died." Umm what? He handed me a note from the school and said he was going to go ride his bike.  The page long note from the school explained that a 8th grader from the school had died the previous weekend.  On Saturday evening he went flying with his dad and there was an accident, neither father or son survived.

When Roger came back in I asked if he knew the boy?  He wasn't really sure, he knew he wasn't someone he hung out with on a regular basis, once he saw a picture of him he said yes I kind of knew him.  It does not matter if you know the person or not when someone your age from your school dies it hits everyone in the school.

Most adults are at a loss when it comes to death, sometimes there is just no explanation or reasoning that can make it make sense.  With the death of a friend it opens that thought to a child that it could be them.  They may have questions, they may not.  What we found has worked for us is to let Roger lead. If he has a question he will ask it, if he wants to bring it up he can but I am not pushing him.  When he wants to say something he will and you just listen.  There is no right or wrong way to feel.

As for the funeral I left the choice to him. Just like with adults some people need to go to a funeral they need that closure others do not, it is a personal decision.  Roger is 13 now and some of these choices he can make for himself.  He was given three options a) go to the funeral, b) stay home, c) go to school.  He chose to go to school, even though many kids and teachers will not be there he still wanted to stick with what is normal for him.

When it comes to autism I call BS on all the articles I saw that said a person with autism does not understand death.  He understands he may show his emotions differently and may have trouble finding the right words, but just because you do not respond as people think you should does not mean you do not understand.  He knows K will not be returning to school ever.  He knows and understands death is permanent.   

Sometimes we just don't give our kids credit for being able to handle things.  They really can, it is expected for them to be upset, confused, anxious they need to know thats ok and perfectly normal.  They need to know its ok to be mad, its ok to be sad, its ok to not know how you feel.  Not many adults know how they feel after an unexpected death.  If we don't know how do we expect our kids to know.

Overall the best thing we can do when helping our child deal with death doesn't matter if it is a grandparent or a friend is to just be there.  Let them set the pace, don't push them to talk if they do not want too.  Of course as parents watch them.  Pay attention and if there is any sign that they are not processing or handling well get them someone to talk to.  Don't wait if your gut says they need help get them help.