(This isn't a pity me post it just is what it is. We have been living with autism forever. Granted we didn't have a name for it until a few years ago autism was part of this family. Integrated into our very roots. When the first diagnosis came for Roger people balked oh that's not right, the doctors are wrong, you doctor shopped until you got it. Yes we love nothing more than spending hours upon hours with doctors. It's great fun. Then Lucy's came. Even to this day most of our family will not accept it. Not accepting being in the dark that's their choice. I can't force anyone to do anything.)
They share a blog post by another writer, with the comment so this is what autism is like I had no idea. Yeah I want to scream at them open your eyes we are right here, we have always been right here in your family. You choose to ignore us.
They re-post a silly meme about special needs moms tagging all their friends with kids of different needs but leave you out because well you don't really know what it's like. You don't count. We are nothing. Ignored
Every post about cancer is a re-share, autism no can't share that because you know cancer that's real. Ignored.
They re-post just about every awareness post their is except yours. Cancer yep lets share the heck out of this. Autism oh no I can't do that. Ignored
They like all their friends photos of kids except yours. Ignored
They decline invitations to dinner, holidays, and birthday parties, you live to far away. You see the pictures of their "impromptu" party. Ignored
They visit a friend a few blocks away from you but never call or stop by while they are in town. They are too busy. You see the check-in. Ignored
They say they don't know what they have going on when you call to say you will be in their part of town in a few days. We will see they say. Code for I might have a better offer come up I can't commit to you. You see the invites to others lets hang out this weekend. Ignored.
They have a party, you are not invited. You see the pictures. Ignored.
They wear the pink, do the walks, share the fundraisers that everyone is doing except yours. Ignored.
You ask for help, they are to busy sorry. You see the lazy day at home post. Ignored.
In the days before Facebook you would never know the extent to which they ignore you. Before Facebook you wouldn't see the parties your not invited to. You wouldn't know about the times you were told oh we are just staying home tonight that the pictures show otherwise.
Without Facebook you wouldn't see just how much you don't matter to family and friends. That your differences are worthy of hiding from everyone because god forbid a friend finds out your family member is autistic.
I totally relate here. My situation is a bit different though. My nephew has Autism too. My SIL always shares autism stuff from other pages, NEVER mine. She tells me I "talk to much about autism," because she and her hubby ignore it. She compares my nephew to my son all the time, trying to make me feel like I have it worse than she does. like autism is a competition?!?!?! So yeah, I totally relate, and I ended up blocking her posts, bc to be honest, they make me want to slap her!
ReplyDeleteWhen was the last time you returned a phone call promptly or reciprocated a dinner invitation in a timely fashion? Or offered to run an errand for a friend or sibling? How often did you cancel plans at the very last minute? Are you totally co bounced that your life with your kid with autism is a billion times harder than everybody else's, regardless of whether it is truly the case? Do you make multiple, specific demands upon anybody who invites your PreciousDarling AngelFace and then freak out when your edicts aren't met? Because the world ends if my kid practices the piano while your kid is at my house and can hear it?
ReplyDeleteDoes your child hit other kids / pull their hair / destroy their belongings / hurt animals if given the opportunity? My kid is pretty tolerant, but after the third consecutive playdate from which she came home with a WHOPPING big bruise, she doesn't wanna play with her cousin (who legitimately has autism, a special need) because he repeatedly hurt her - and I don't blame her one bit.
Maybe you're being discriminated against and you are regularly excluded simply because he's autistic -- but it's equally possible that you've not held up your end of the social contract for years and years in end OR that your kid (despite being autistic) is so unpleasant to be around that they're avoiding you.
My reply would just take up too much room so I made a post. :) http://noguilelifeandotherstoriesfromautism.blogspot.com/2013/04/response-to-comment.html
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