Saturday, March 30, 2013

Why All The Judging?

The one thing I was not prepared for when I entered the Autism blogging world is all the judging. I mean it is rampant. I knew by doing this I would be putting myself and my family out there and comments well that will be part of it. The judging I was not prepared for.

First you have the judging by your own family and friends. I can deal with that. Typically if they are mad about something I wrote or think it's about them (most of the time it's not) and get all huffy. My only response to them is if you are so offended by what I wrote what have you said or done that makes you think it's about you? Usually they will be quite then. It's one of two reasons a. it's really not about them or b. they don't want to admit to what they have done.

Second is the judging by other bloggers. Wow is that one rough. These are people who don't really know you passing judgement. We all have our own journey here.  There are a few hot button topics:

There is an expectation that parents will grieve after dx. Really how can they not when all the media info is doom and gloom. Some don't. No matter where you fall someone will have something to say about it. If you grieve you don't accept your child. If you don't well you just don't understand autism and something must be wrong with you as a parent. I mean really how can a dx be a relief is the stance. Well for some of us it is a relief. We know what needs to be done now.

Therapies. Oh that is a fun one. Why can people see that you do not need to do every therapy under the sun, running from Dr. to Dr. to be a caring loving parent. Really some people think if you don't do it all you just don't care. Well Therapy is not for us. We tried some I wrote a whole post on therapies here.  There is no one right way. You have to admit some so called therapies are batshit crazy abuse. No if ands or buts,  like this. Now as long as you are not abusing another person, guess what I'm going to stay out of what works for your family.

Autism Charities: This one can be bad. Really I don't give a crap who you give your money to. You can flush it or burn it in a fireplace. I don't care it's not my money so I have no say. Every charity has their own beliefs, values, and ways of doing business  Yes I will share what I think of them. Does that mean I want you to automatically listen and stop supporting. No. Would I like for you to do your own research and make choices that best suit your beliefs and values. Yep. We may differ but I can't and wont tell you what to believe and who to support so I ask the same courtesy applied to me.

Parenting: No matter what once you have kids someone has something to say. You work or don't work. How you feed, how you discipline, etc... It's enough to drive you to drink.

The newest one I have been privy to is Autistics vrs parents. OK I'm going to say this now, this one can just be dumb sometimes. Not to dismiss any valid arguments from either side. Here's the thing people need to get. As parents we need to listen to and really hear what Autistics are telling us. They have some very valuable insight. As Autistics we need to realize the parents are raising the next generation of Autistics so we need to hear them too. Different topics will hold different weights. The them vrs us personally leaves me worn out and frustrated. In the end nothing but a bunch of fighting is accomplished. I'm from the mindset that every person on this earth has something valuable and valid to say and brings their own and different experiences to the table. In my perfect world everyone would be treated with the respect they deserve.

I guess what I am saying in my long rambling post is the judging has got to stop. I know it wont. It never will. Everyone has their own experiences and views of what is going on. Just like no two people ever read the same book. No two people live the same life. We are all different. We wont always agree, but if you don't agree that's fine. If you can't disagree respectfully shut your mouth and move on. I read stuff all the time that rubs me the wrong way. Sometimes I may make a comment but usually I just let it slide. If a page consistently posts things I don't agree with, I don't make nasty comments, I don't report it (unless its really bad) I just unlike the page and go on with my life.

I'm still trying to find my place. Where that is I don't know yet. I may never know and you know what that's OK  All I ask is for respect and I can guarantee I will respect you. Even if we disagree I still respect everyone's ideals and opinions.,r:1,s:0,i:167

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