Actions Speak Louder

*ranty some cursing*

Well we have all heard and probably said "Actions speak louder than words" or some variation of it.  Does anyone really think about what this means? Really I don;t think they do I typically hear this from people who well hey we all know the holier than thou, I want everyone to love me and think I'm sweet and perfect even though I am the biggest most judgmental bitch alive.

So put some thought behind it. Here are a couple examples:

Example One: Child gets in trouble for something is told by parent no your not going with me today, five minutes later come on get your stuff lets go. OK so you verbally told the child they couldn't do whatever they shouldn't be doing set out a punishment yet never followed through. Your action of taking them with you tells them I can do what I did, it doesn't matter.

Example Two:  When you run into someone tell them how much you missed them, etc. Yet you never text, call, and turn down all invites from the person. Yeah your actions say you don't matter to me but if I'm in front of you I will say otherwise.

Example Three: A family with 2 kids comes over. every-time they do you tell child a they can have a sleepover another night. Child B is invited for sleepovers on a regular basis. This tells child A that they are not accepted by you, so don't be shocked when eventually they don't want to go to your house.

I could go on and on forever. I just have people in my life who say one thing yet do the exact opposite. I can bet you money I will get a text when they are hanging out with someone I know that oh I miss you we need to visit. Ya know all I have to say in bullshit. If you really wanted a visit you would oh I don't know call, text, facebook, email. Something rather than wait till you need something before you call.

I did a little experiment a while back. I pretty much went radio silence I did not text anyone first. I would respond, but I wanted to see who really did text me and what relationships I was the one doing all the work. Most people did still text and call. Even if I did not first. Now there were a few that its been over a year now and I only receive texts from them when they want something.

It's funny how people think they can ignore you 364 days a year, but that one day they call or text you better come running. Well guess what I'm not running, your actions over the years have proven to me you don't care, you don't want the relationship, I'm only good to you if I can provide something. I just decided I was done trying to figure out what I did wrong and realize it's them not me and cut ties with them.

Relationships are two way streets. It cannot always be me calling, texting, loading the family up to visit you. Sometimes you need to call or text and hey maybe take a drive down to my place. Yes I know I'm going to hear well my kid has special needs or we are just really busy. Look the busiest person on earth could squeak out a quick "hey hows it going?" text. Takes just as long to send that text as it does to update your facebook status.

Help Save A LIfe With A Letter

No post today just a link. http://seggleston.com/1/misc/cynthias-letter

The Real Truth About Couples With Autistic Children

I get random stuff in the mail y'all know that. I got on some mailing list (don't ask how I don't have a clue) anyways I get just about every silly magazine around. Yesterday I received the August edition of Psychology Today. Right on the cover is a article titled The Truth About Couples With Autistic Children. Hmm this should be interesting. Typically Psychology Today doesn't do to bad. But yeah this was a epic fail beyond the normal "expert" perportions.

Brief overview since y'all can see it for yourself when they actually publish it online. Starts off tame enough, story about a little boy who wandered. Starts on the stress of having a autistic child, ok kinda roll your eyes but not to bad, then bame into the doom and gloom we are all doomed to fail BS. Serious in it they said that us parents don't even understand the strain ASD puts on our relationships. Ok I admit I didn't read the whole thing I couldn't. It was a lot of Autism Speaks propaganda and really it read like someone over at Age of Autism wrote this crap. So there you go in a nutshell just don't read it when it comes out its awful and does more harm than good like most articles seem too.

Now let us the parents tell you the real truth about us:
1) We are just like you. Yep just like any couple we fight, we laugh, we act silly sometimes, we get stressed out. Guess what we even have sex. No really I saw somewhere that the person said ASD makes your sex life drop. Umm well all kids do that but that is a whole other post.
2) We love our spouses. Unlike what the article says just because we have some extra stress doesn't mean we just go oh I don't love you anymore.
3) ASD does not destroy relationships. Say what you will but ASD is not the cause of divorce it's the people in the relationship.
4) yes some people crumble and break under stress, guess what if it wasn't ASD that was the stressor it would have been something else.
5) ASD is part of our lives. Everyday, every minute. Please don't compare me to your Dear Aunt Suise whose marriage imploded. I am not her, I am me.
6) Most of all every couples relationship ASD or not is unique. No so called expert can tell you that you are doomed.

It's unfair to say ASD causes divorce. I have yet to find any reliable source that states ASD raises the divorce rate higher than the already high divorce rate we have in the US. I mean look at the rate. 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. It has nothing to do with ASD it has to do with the fact that today's society looks at marriage as disposable. Oh times are rough ok let's divorce. Most don't try and stick it out. Here's the thing about marriage. No matter what your stressor may be ASD, loss of job, other illness and yes you will have them you have a choice. You can say this is too hard I can't do this and run for the hills (easy way out). Or you can stand up and work through your challenges and in reality make your relationship and yourself stronger.

So basically here's my point. Stop blaming ASD and everything else under the sun for people just throwing away relationships because it's too hard (boo hoo cry me a freaking river). Let's start making people take responsibility and tell the truth that they were weak, scared, whatever their reasoning and choose to run instead of staying and doing the hard work all relationships take.

Anaphylaxis

Anaphylaxis now that is some fun stuff. Lets just say thanks to some kids popping balloons I got to experience it first hand.

First What is it?
"Anaphylaxis is a severe, potentially life-threatening allergic reaction. It can occur within seconds or minutes of exposure to something you're allergic to, such as a peanut or the venom from a bee sting.

The flood of chemicals released by your immune system during anaphylaxis can cause you to go into shock; your blood pressure drops suddenly and your airways narrow, blocking normal breathing. Signs and symptoms of anaphylaxis include a rapid, weak pulse, a skin rash, and nausea and vomiting. Common triggers of anaphylaxis include certain foods, some medications, insect venom and latex.

Anaphylaxis requires an immediate trip to the emergency department and an injection of epinephrine. If anaphylaxis isn't treated right away, it can lead to unconsciousness or even death." (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anaphylaxis/DS00009)

Now on to what happened.
We went to a friends house. Her son had graduated high school the day before and there were some leftover latex balloons. I didn't think anything of it when the kids grabbed a few and went in the other room  and started popping them. They were having fun.

My throat started feeling weird and I was a little dizzy so I stepped out for a minute. I came back in and it got a little worse so I said I have to go outside I can't be in here. So we all went outside. We were there for maybe 5 min and I grabbed my husband and about pulled him over. the sore feeling and dizzy had progressed to not being able to breath, I was confused, anxious, and  flush.

Husband at first didn't realize what was going on. He asked do you want me to call rescue. once I shook my head yes he knew oh shit this is bad. I was able to walk towards my house but collapsed in the driveway. I was still awake just not able to move anymore or talk. The response time for the squad was maybe 5min but that five min felt like hours to everyone.

I remember being put on the stretcher and a few things here and there but for the most part I don't have a clue. I know I got a IV, I know a ton of meds were use (I'm dreading this bill), I have to be on steroids, antihistamines and ativain for the next week while I ride the rest out. (the worst is over). They gave me a script for a new epipen because mine was so expired it couldn't be used. Of course the thing is $315 and they wonder why I didn't have a current one. We just can't afford it and do not have insurance so we kept putting it off. Of course wake up call we know I have to get one, I have to no ifs, ands, or butts. I could have died and a little shot may give me the few extra min I need for help to arrive.

My blood pressure never dropped mine went through the roof, my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest, the only way I could talk to anyone was to try and use my phone to type but little keys, not being able to breath, all the chaos going on it was hard.

Now we are left with explaining to Lucy what happened. That no it is not her fault. Add a new obsession making sure all late is out of the house.

I'm Sorry

To all the lives that have been snuffed out by a selfish person.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry this happened to you,
Please know you never deserved this.
No matter how much care you needed.
No matter how frustrated you got.
You didn't deserve this.
You never deserved to lose your life at the hand of someone who should have loved you.

You deserved Love,
You deserved care,
You deserved compassion,
Most of all You deserved to Live.

You deserved to love,
You deserved to feel joy, sadness, anger, most of all to feel loved.
You deserved to have friends,
You deserved to have a voice.

Instead someone decided that you were better off gone.
That you were less than.
For that I am sorry.
Your murderers will get no sympathy from me
I will do my best to make sure your stories are heard.
That people see how much you had to offer.

You were worthy of life.
I'm sorry you didn't get to live a long full life.
I'm sorry you were ruthlessly taken from this earth before your time.
We won't let your death be in vain.
Please know your loss is felt by many.
You have touched many whom never met you in life.

I hope you are at peace.
Your memory will never be forgotten.
In the words of Vince Gill
Go rest high on that mountain,

R.I.P. Alex

*TRIGGER*** MURDER***ABUSE***ETC

14 year old Alex Spourdalakis is longer on this earth. Why? Well the simple answer because two monsters, two people he should have been able to trust decided he should not live and stabbed him to death. His mother and godmother. I will not say their names because I want you to remember Alex's name not theirs.

You have to be a special kind of evil to stab your teenager multiple times. You know what they did afterwards? They showed no remorse they washed the knife and put it back in the butcher block. At some point after stabbing their child they both took a bunch of pills and laid down next to his body. They may have intended to die but they didn't. I would guess it was just for show and sympathy. If they really wanted to die they would have made sure they did.

Of course since Alex was autistic we only hear the bad about him. How stressful he made his mothers life, how violent he was, how his mother had no help. What about the good. I'm sure he brought joy to his family's life. The no help is a lie. DCSF reported that they offered mom help and she declined. She decided death was best Alex. They were found because Alex's father got worried when he could not reach them and called the police to check on him. I'm not sure how much of a role dad played but obviously he played some role if he not only called but was worried. Doesn't sound like a non caring dad who abandoned his child. But we don't know.

Very little is being reported other than to twist the story to the point that they make it sound justified because he was autistic. If this was a "normal" child there would be vigils. There would be people crying and saying how great he was how he didn't deserve this. There would be outrage. There would be demands for death for his murders.  Not statements like don't hurt this family further by jailing mom.

Instead we hear everything they can say to try and justify stabbing, they didn't pick a easy painless way to die. They picked a brutal and painful way to murder Alex. How did they look in his eyes while plunging a knife into his body. I won't make excuses for them and I will not accept any. You should not either. There is absolutely no justification for brutally murdering your own child.  They are murders and should receive the harshest punishment possible.

Dummy

Dummy by David Patten
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"From his birth in 1954, David Patten was unbearably sensitive to the world around him. Unable to concentrate or learn the basics of reading and writing, he was punished and pathologized, labeled lazy, stupid, and a troublemaker. David was finally diagnosed with dyslexia, among other elements in the autism spectrum. But at a time when these disorders were little understood, David was unable to get the help he needed, and he gradually fell into the dark underbelly of American life. David's struggle to survive and find a life worth living included time in a mental institution for attempted suicide at fourteen, and life as a drug dealer in Chicago's criminal underworld. Eventually, David's exceptional abilities in abstract and analytical thinking led him into the technology field, and a lucrative six-figure career as a crisis manager and trouble shooter. His story of gradually transforming disabilities into skills, hopelessness into freedom is a testament to the power of the human spirit." (www.amazon.com)

This book is not your typical autism story. Honestly I think the author mentioned autism maybe twice in the whole book. This was the story of his life and what he did many times to survive. The book starts off with David being fired from a job he has held for many years. The bosses pretty much backdoor him out by refusing to allow him to do his job the way he has for twenty plus years.

Then he starts to talk about his life. His early childhood, his parents, and his brothers. His mother took him to doctor after doctor trying to find out how to help him. He eventually left regular school after a suicide attempt and a brief stay in mental hospital, only to end up at one of the worst alternative schools in Chicago. He did some time as a drug dealer.

At one point he was so determined to get a high school diploma that he ended up living in an abusive situation in California separated from his mother. Eventually he escaped the situation. With some help from state offices he was able to graduate college.

It was a good story and the author has obviously been through alot but he doesn't look back on his experiences as bad. He looks at them as what made him who he is today.

*I received a copy of this book through netgally. All opinions are my own and I have not been compensated for them*