Wandering Part 1 My Story

I am going to write this in two parts. Part one is my personal story of having a child who wanders. Part two will be information about what can be done to help curb wandering though nothing is foolproof.

Wandering it can happen to anyone. That's why I don't understand when a child wanders and just happens to be autistic one of the first questions NT parents ask is where were the parents? Like it could never happen to them, well I got news for you it can. I told the story of losing Roger here. He used to wander away in stores but now that he is older he tells me where he is going and yes he has a cell phone attached to him.

My wanderer is my "normal" kid. Really Porkchop is known for just wandering off. Something or someone gets his attention and he is off.Have I mentioned he's a hemophiliac too. So yeah first thought is the kid is bleeding somewhere. The first time he was three or four. I had gone to the bathroom (thats all it takes) and he was sleeping on the couch. Well he woke up and I was not there. He assumed I went to the bus stop to get his brother and sister. Out the door he went to walk to the bus stop which was half a block away.

I wasn't there of course so he kept walking. So while he is out on his walk. I am tearing the house apart looking for him. At first I thought he was hiding he likes to do that. He is also the worst hide and seeker ever he can't stop laughing. I called my husband and he said keep looking, I called him back and said he's not in the house, not in the yard, he is nowhere. So he left work and flew home. As he was driving down the street he saw one of the other moms who just happened to work from home walking down the street with him.

She told us that he had come to her house two blocks away and down a busy street. I mean people flew down our street like it was a highway. He crossed it. Apparently one of the elderly ladies was going for a walk  saw him and just followed him for a while to make sure he didn't get hurt. He took her to the other moms house and said my friend lives here. The lady almost didn't answer her door but decided to see who was there and saw porkchop with some old lady. The other mom tried to get him in her car to bring him home but he refused to get in the car so she walked him home.  That was a very long hour for all of us. The police were called but by the time they got there he was back.

That's not the only time he has done it. In the house we currently live in he has wandered off twice in the past year. The first time was right after we moved in and he saw some kids playing down the street so he went to play he just didn't bother to tell anyone where he was going just hopped on his bike and off he went. The other time he went to a friends house. I knew where he was going but the friend couldn't play and on the way home another kid caught his attention so he went there instead of home.

We have a creek in my yard so yes when one kid goes missing it's the first place I check. Does my child wandering off make me a bad parent, no. No one can stay on their kid every second of everyday and all it takes is half a second and they are gone. It can happen to any parent autism or not.

Kids Today

Little rant/response to some news stories from yesterday. FYI I am speaking about so-called "normal" kids. So don't get your panties in a wad and yell at me about special needs."

On any given day there is some story about how some kids rights were validated at school. Back in my day that would have been a girl not being allowed to take shop, or a boy being denied home economics class. Yeah it happened in my time too. Well not today. Yes there are true stories of rights being violated in schools. The problem is they are being pushed down and covered up by the whiny parents that are going to sue the school because their child didn't make the team. Therefore their rights were violated.

Ummm no they weren't. They were allowed to try out for the team correct? Ok so they were not good enough. What happened to I'm sorry maybe next year Johnny. Nope now Johnny's mom storms into the school and demands Johnny be placed on the team or she will sue. So what have we thought Johnny. We have taught him that he is entitled to whatever he wants. Does not matter that he did not make the cut, or didn't work hard to make it. Nope mama will come get me on the team. Roger recently tried out for the track team. He didn't make it. His response sure he was disappointed but he said oh well maybe next year. He's now looking at trying out for soccer next year as well in high school. Basically my autistic kid had a better reaction to being cut than many of the "normal" kids.

Another example, kids breaking dress code.(here and here) They wear something they know will not be accepted and then act surprised and scream I have a right to wear what I want when they are reprimanded for breaking the rules. I worked in schools you would be surprised how many parents would yell and scream that if they say their child can wear it it's none of our business. Well we have a dress code so it sort of is.  The rules are there for a reason. What have we taught our kids now? That the rules don't apply to them. My kids have a lot of hand me downs and some of them are not school appropriate. Lucy knows some of her dresses she needs to wear a shirt under. Roger has a couple graphic tees that could be taken the wrong was so he doesn't wear them to school.

One story I saw (here) were a group of kids acting like fools not following the rules and were kicked off a plane. They still got to their destination though it took longer. Of course parents pitch a fit Johnny missed part of his vacation because you kicked him off. Wait how about sorry Johnny I know you missed part of the fun but your actions are the reason for it. Not go demand airline vouchers because your kid screwed up. .

Or how about the article that schools should just relax about cheating. (it is here) That what they call cheating is acceptable behavior in the workforce. Umm no it's not. One thing they said was some of the best workers know how to ask others for help on work projects. Maybe a little true, but if you are always asking others to help with your work eventually the boss is going to figure it out, others are going to get sick of you not being able to do your own job. Then guess what yep fired.  Schools to allow collaboration on projects, papers, and even some tests. They also teach students that there is a time and place for collaboration that every assignment is not that time. The craziest idea is to allow cell phones in the classroom. In todays classrooms there are computers and internet, some even let kids bring their own laptops and use the wifi. SO there is no need to use a phone to look up information. Lets be truthful here the kids would be texting each other not looking up information and not paying attention.

Where am I going with all this. Let's just say I'm worried for the next generation. We are going to have a bunch of spoiled entitled rulebreakers on our hands. They are not capable of doing anything themselves because mommy and daddy have done it all for them. They do not know how to handle disappointment because they don't have to mom and dad save them and make it all better.

I have seen kids that are so coddled that at age seventeen they cannot be left alone at home for more than maybe thirty min. Or they are calling mom and dad to come home. Your seventeen almost a adult and you cannot stay home alone. You need your parents at your beckon call. The worst is when the parents actually drop what they are doing and go home.

These same kids seem to be making the rules in the house they tell mom and dad it's time to go to bed, it's time to be quiet. No you can't be too far from me. The parents have become codependent on their children that neither can function without the other nearby.

What are we coming too. We are supposed to be their parents not their friends. We are supposed to help them stand up and do things for themselves not do it for them. We are supposed to teach them to take responsibility for their actions not help them break the rules. We are supposed to be preparing them for the world. Instead I fear we are preparing an entire generation to fail.

Just A Girl

TRIGGER WARNING!!! Rant/Cursing/makes no sense its all in here

Post from my personal page a couple days ago:

"Here's the deal. A lot and I mean a lot of people want to pass me off as a stupid girl. What they fail to realize is nine times out of ten I am the smartest person in the room. So go ahead think I'm stupid I know better."

Now to those people I say FUCK YOU! Which degree would you like to see? My nursing, medic, marketing, how about my biochem? I am by far not stupid. Do I miss things like stupid jokes and sometimes body language. Sure but I think at times we all do. That doesn't make me stupid it makes me human. I'm not perfect no one is.

These same people have the attitude that I'm just a girl, therefore I have to depend on my husband to take care of me. You wouldn't believe the crappy comments I have gotten just based on being a stay at home mom. That I can't take care of myself.  You don't know my whole story. You don't know that I was a single mom for ten years. You were not around when I was working multiple jobs just to make ends meet. You were not there when I fought in court for my son.

You make fun because there must be something wrong with me because I'm on my second marriage. Again You were not there. You have no clue what went on. You did not live in that marriage. You say my husband is overreacting when he tells you to shut it when you say he should smack me around. Guess what I have already been there done that. My husband does not and will not raise a hand to me. So you can take your caveman ideas and keep walking.

At first I was letting your words get to me. Your ideas, your beliefs about me got to me for a while. Really they did. It got so bad my husband asked if I wanted to move to get away from all of it. Now you see it's not that easy to get rid of me. I'm not going to allow your childish ways (thats what they are) run me off. I'm not going to uproot my kids take them from their schools and their friends, because someone wants to act like a teenage girl. (really you should grow up)

So say what you want, think what you want. I don't give a fuck anymore. You may want to live in drama land but I don't. For all it's worth I'm walking away from it. I will no longer allow you to attempt to destroy me. You see me a weak little girl. I'm here to tell you I'm one of the strongest people you will ever meet.

I can take a lot of crap. I am more than willing to help people I will stay civil because well that's what needs to be done. I don't need to start a war but when it comes to you my give a damn's busted. Unless what you are saying or doing affects my house I don't care.

Next time you wonder out loud why people who used to be friends no longer come around, take a look at yourself and what you are doing. Maybe then you will see that you are the one chasing everyone off.

A Shave Please, But Don't Cut My Throat!

Mama Fry asked this question yesterday on her page:

"Shaving, how the heck do you teach that? Kiddo is no where near needing it but you know, I like to get jump on panicking about something. So, hit me up with your tips fries!"

You can see all the great answers she got here. There were plenty of use an electric razor, top to bottom, and even one just go Duck Dynasty and don't shave. We have ventured into the shaving realm of life. I never thought that anyone would want to read about it but here I am telling y'all how we handled this one.



First off Roger needed to shave at age 12 he already had a mustache coming in but we waited until age 13. For his mustache he just uses a eyebrow trimmer. Really it works. It's small enough to get in there and really hard to cut yourself with. Oh and it is really cheap typically about $10-$15. The first few times one of us did it for him but now he does it on his own.


Pretty much he only has a mustache. He takes after his dad who has very little facial hair so he does not have to shave everyday, heck he doesn't have to shave every week. Now my husband does not use an electric razor. They just don't get close enough, so all we had was a normal razor and shaving cream. Yeah that's scary for a kid. I shaved husband (yeah he let me near him with a sharp object now thats trust) first so kid could watch and see yes I know what I'm doing, and no I wont cut you. Had to remind the kid when I worked in nursing homes that's all I did all day was shave people.

I found a electric razor for a good price. The kind with three circles. In my experience they are easier to care for. Check the sales after christmas. They always have a few random gift packs they need to get rid of. That takes the whole mess of shaving cream out of the picture.

Now a electric razor does not mean no maintenance. you still have to take care of it. The blades need to be kept clean and in good condition to avoid cuts. Trust me a uncared for electric razor can cut the crap out of you. Using a product such as Letric Shave before shaving helps as well.

So there you have it our straightforward approach to shaving, There is nothing scary about it at all. Just figure out what works for you. Now I just have two more boys to get through this stage as well. The girl oh she's a whole other ballgame.

IEP Organization

It's IEP season. Ok some of you are already done with school but out here we still have two weeks and some will have IEP's during the summer. I figured while I have everything pulled out I can show you how I organize for our IEP meetings.

I organize in two ways. I have a notebook with dividers that hold the most current information. I also use a Ipad app called paperdesk pro. I will explain both of these in more detail. I bring both the notebook and the Ipad to the meeting. You never know when technology will fail so I have hard copies of everything as well. 

I will start with the notebook first.

Just a basic leather 2 inch notebook

Back Cover

Inside Cover 

 This is my notebook. I used my old work notebook. It is leather and holds up well. It also has a calculator in the front cover, pockets with dividers, and a notepad in the back. You never know what you may need. I use the front pocket to hold onto any new papers I am given during the IEP so they are not lost.

I use a color coded divider system. The first page is numbered 1-10. Each number has a different color and a space to write what is in the section. (please excuse the crossing out as I repurposed this notebook from its previous use).

I have the sections divided as such: (I have changed them a bit from the picture)

1. Current IEP - This is the IEP that is currently in effect.
2. Past IEP/504- The previous years IEP goes here.
3. Report Cards/ Progress Reports- All of the current year's report cards.
4. Progress Reports- This is for the years IEP progress reports.
5. Dr. Reports- all the reports I receive from doctors go here. I use post it notes labeled with the Dr. name to separate them and be able to reach them quickly.
6. School Testing- Any testing the school has done related to the IEP go here.
7. State Testing- Any state testing reports go here.
8. Ideas to Help- Any idea we have that may help go here. I have even made photo copies of pages from books and placed it here.
9. IDEA/FAPE- any part that may apply to us (not the whole thing) goes here. In a high stress situation sometimes you need it as a reminder.
10. The counties special education regulations- Don't throw that booklet aside keep it with you. Read it highlight if needed, you never know when you may have to refer to it.

Just having the most current and the previous years hard copies on hand have helped me. I am able to look at say no we tried that last year it didn't work or hey look at the years report cards what happened between semester one and two? A IEP is a team effort and having some ideas to bring to the table is welcome. I have never been told no you can't toss some ideas out. One thing I was taught in business school which I bring to my meetings is, never walk into a managers office with just the problem always have some ideas for solutions on hand. They may not be followed but at least you are showing effort rather than hey this is wrong fix it for me.

Now for the Ipad. I use a app called Paperdesk pro. The app can be found here. You can set up separate notebooks for each person or subject. I have one for each child plus one for notes, as wella s one for books that I need to review. There are also file folders which you can save PDF files too. I have the school email me copies of testing and IEP and I store them here as well. The app allows me to hold onto an electronic file as well as hard copies. You can also email notes and such to others if needed from the app.






So there it is. My organization systems in a nutshell. I bought paperdesk pro myself. I was not given it nor was I asked to do any sort of review on it. Just thought it was a cool app to share with everyone. I received no compensation for it.

For more info on the app here is a review from youtube that shows in more detail what it does.

The Big D and I Don't Mean Dallas

Alright here we go. This is something none of us talk about. We deal with it but we never really admit to it or talk about it. I've been fighting with depression for the past five years. Sure I have good days but I also go through some really rough ones. Lately things that some so-called friends are doing are making me fight even harder to smile and fake it. Unless you live with me you probably would never know. Hey after five years I have this fake it till you make it down.

Let me back up a bit. This has probably been going going on my entire life but never to this point till a few years ago. I had a hard time after porkchop was born. I was alone with three kids and going through a nasty divorce. At that time I had no choice but to get up go to work and get things done. I was able to stay busy and ignore everything. Really not that bad but temporarily I was given something by my doctor. It seemed to pass and everything was going great for a while.

Five years ago I got hurt at work. I slipped on a puddle and fractured my spine. L5 is still in three pieces to this day. I was left with permanent damage including nerve damage. So for five years I have been in constant pain. Some days are better than others but the pain is always there. I was told after six months of physical therapy and seeing the best specialist available to us that I would never again work as a nurse or a medic. The list of restrictions is rather large. That was not all. Through the course of PT the doctor started noticing other symptoms. My pain was not presenting right. Most people get the sharp pain down their whole leg not me. It's only in my back and then skips to my knee down. Ok that's odd, but hey we can deal you probably pinched a nerve in a strange way. The specialist thought I actually tore something inside my spine that they just can't see. Now based on my age no doctor is going to go on a fishing expedition into my spine to find out what is really wrong. The risks are just too high. So I was left at sorry you have pain but we can't fix it. Sorry you have numbness we can't fix it. When it's really bad we can medicate you but thats the best we can do. I refuse to live on pills so I just deal. This is the first time my husband had witnessed me slipping away as he calls it. Where I just disconnect. I have to fight myself out of bed, if he would let me some days I wouldn't get up.

Then we moved states. New start, new life and for a while again things were great. After years of not being able to get a job, thanks to all my restrictions I started to withdraw again. I hated the place we were living, the landlord was a terror and just out outright mean. That eventually came to a head where no one in the house was happy, we were having a lot of behavioral issues with the kids, and it just was bad news. So we found a new place.

The new place was great. No landlord living above us. The schools were more than accommodating. I even made friends in the neighborhood. Once again it was short lived. My school went downhill and from there I guess I just spiraled down. I escaped into facebook. I didn't have to be the depressed person there, no one had to know. Lets not even get started on the self medicating with alcohol. But it cycled out and I started coming back. Then a couple weeks ago someone in the neighborhood decided to make stuff up about me. Ok I could care less say what you want. Here's the thing it's not just one person anymore. It's several. They are taking situations and twisting them so they look good and well I look bad. I'm being painted as the cheating wife and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. My husband knows it's all lies. He says to not feed into it, leave it alone. Easier said than done. I know, I shouldn't care, I know I should just walk away but it gets to you. So here I sit withdrawing from everyone because it seems like everytime I say or do anything it gets twisted and turned until I just look awful.

My husband is doing what he can but it takes a toll on him too. He is trying to pick up my slack and cover for me with the kids. We both know this will cycle out and I will be all good again but lately it seems as if the depression cycles are coming more often and stronger than before. It seems as everytime I get a chance to breath and start to feel better and more like who I used to be I get smacked down by someone or something else. For whatever reason I just can't brush it off and say F U to whoever it is. It gets stuck in my head and just festers. I don't know maybe typing it out will help. Who knows. I sure don't.

He Said, She Said its all BS

There really is no secret there is a lot of bullshit in the online world. People attacking others they have never met. People taking things to personally. I mean really it is easy to read something and internalize it the wrong way. Well when this happens someone else then has to write a post and it turns into this whole mess. It's the whole he said she said crap all over again. Frankly I'm done I'm staying out of it.

One thing I have had to learn this week was sometimes I just need to step away from the he said she said high school drama and ignore it. Doesn't matter if it's online or in real life. Let people say and believe what they want to. At the end of the day all that matters is I ow the truth and my house is fine.  I'm stepping away from the drama both oline and in real life. The drama almost cost me everything and I just can't go there again.

Here's the thing people seem to forget that the he said, she said does hurt people. Words hurt, words can destroy families. So if your going to open your mouth and say and write something about anyone else be careful because you never know who may be hurt.