Tuesday, March 8, 2011

We Can't Change This

For all of you out there who think you can just change Roger by making him act how you want him to act let me tell you you are wrong.  He has autism and it is never going to go away. At the same time he is not broken.  We just need to approach him differently.  I have been made fun of a person who has seen his bedroom and see the signs we have up telling him what he needs to do in the morning. And yes when he takes a shower I have to remind him to use soap and wash his hair.  Now because he can tell you what you should do in the shower does not mean he can.  Simple things like showers, cleaning his room, and homework can be very overwhelming for him.  He knows what he needs to do but doesn't know the order so he will just give up and stop. 
I remember sitting in a meeting at the school and being asked is he on any medications? Have you thought of medicating him? What exactly should he be medicated for? Stop trying to change him to fit what you call normal.  A friend has said oh all you have to do is treat him normally and he will adjust to it. You should make him adjust to how the real world works not Rogers world.  Really?!?! I am supposed to stress my child out to make you feel better about being around him. How about you change your thinking and adjust yourself. To this person who claims to know it all you know nothing. You are also the person who thinks the whole world should revolve around you. That everyone should adjust to you and your self centered ways.
The anxiety he deals with daily and the executive function deficits are daily battles for him. Trying to change him will only make it worse.
Now before anyone flips out on me I am not saying we shouldn't help teach him coping strategies to try and lower the anxiety. Or teach him skills such as lists to help him order how to get things done which in itself would lower the anxiety.
I have also heard he doesn't look like anything is wrong with him. So you must look like you have something wrong to get some compassion. Really what does autism look like? Please tell me where you got your medical degree and know all these things.  
To us as a family there is nothing wrong with Roger.  He is him and we wouldn't have him any other way.

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