Actions Speak Louder

*ranty some cursing*

Well we have all heard and probably said "Actions speak louder than words" or some variation of it.  Does anyone really think about what this means? Really I don;t think they do I typically hear this from people who well hey we all know the holier than thou, I want everyone to love me and think I'm sweet and perfect even though I am the biggest most judgmental bitch alive.

So put some thought behind it. Here are a couple examples:

Example One: Child gets in trouble for something is told by parent no your not going with me today, five minutes later come on get your stuff lets go. OK so you verbally told the child they couldn't do whatever they shouldn't be doing set out a punishment yet never followed through. Your action of taking them with you tells them I can do what I did, it doesn't matter.

Example Two:  When you run into someone tell them how much you missed them, etc. Yet you never text, call, and turn down all invites from the person. Yeah your actions say you don't matter to me but if I'm in front of you I will say otherwise.

Example Three: A family with 2 kids comes over. every-time they do you tell child a they can have a sleepover another night. Child B is invited for sleepovers on a regular basis. This tells child A that they are not accepted by you, so don't be shocked when eventually they don't want to go to your house.

I could go on and on forever. I just have people in my life who say one thing yet do the exact opposite. I can bet you money I will get a text when they are hanging out with someone I know that oh I miss you we need to visit. Ya know all I have to say in bullshit. If you really wanted a visit you would oh I don't know call, text, facebook, email. Something rather than wait till you need something before you call.

I did a little experiment a while back. I pretty much went radio silence I did not text anyone first. I would respond, but I wanted to see who really did text me and what relationships I was the one doing all the work. Most people did still text and call. Even if I did not first. Now there were a few that its been over a year now and I only receive texts from them when they want something.

It's funny how people think they can ignore you 364 days a year, but that one day they call or text you better come running. Well guess what I'm not running, your actions over the years have proven to me you don't care, you don't want the relationship, I'm only good to you if I can provide something. I just decided I was done trying to figure out what I did wrong and realize it's them not me and cut ties with them.

Relationships are two way streets. It cannot always be me calling, texting, loading the family up to visit you. Sometimes you need to call or text and hey maybe take a drive down to my place. Yes I know I'm going to hear well my kid has special needs or we are just really busy. Look the busiest person on earth could squeak out a quick "hey hows it going?" text. Takes just as long to send that text as it does to update your facebook status.

Help Save A LIfe With A Letter

No post today just a link. http://seggleston.com/1/misc/cynthias-letter

The Real Truth About Couples With Autistic Children

I get random stuff in the mail y'all know that. I got on some mailing list (don't ask how I don't have a clue) anyways I get just about every silly magazine around. Yesterday I received the August edition of Psychology Today. Right on the cover is a article titled The Truth About Couples With Autistic Children. Hmm this should be interesting. Typically Psychology Today doesn't do to bad. But yeah this was a epic fail beyond the normal "expert" perportions.

Brief overview since y'all can see it for yourself when they actually publish it online. Starts off tame enough, story about a little boy who wandered. Starts on the stress of having a autistic child, ok kinda roll your eyes but not to bad, then bame into the doom and gloom we are all doomed to fail BS. Serious in it they said that us parents don't even understand the strain ASD puts on our relationships. Ok I admit I didn't read the whole thing I couldn't. It was a lot of Autism Speaks propaganda and really it read like someone over at Age of Autism wrote this crap. So there you go in a nutshell just don't read it when it comes out its awful and does more harm than good like most articles seem too.

Now let us the parents tell you the real truth about us:
1) We are just like you. Yep just like any couple we fight, we laugh, we act silly sometimes, we get stressed out. Guess what we even have sex. No really I saw somewhere that the person said ASD makes your sex life drop. Umm well all kids do that but that is a whole other post.
2) We love our spouses. Unlike what the article says just because we have some extra stress doesn't mean we just go oh I don't love you anymore.
3) ASD does not destroy relationships. Say what you will but ASD is not the cause of divorce it's the people in the relationship.
4) yes some people crumble and break under stress, guess what if it wasn't ASD that was the stressor it would have been something else.
5) ASD is part of our lives. Everyday, every minute. Please don't compare me to your Dear Aunt Suise whose marriage imploded. I am not her, I am me.
6) Most of all every couples relationship ASD or not is unique. No so called expert can tell you that you are doomed.

It's unfair to say ASD causes divorce. I have yet to find any reliable source that states ASD raises the divorce rate higher than the already high divorce rate we have in the US. I mean look at the rate. 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. It has nothing to do with ASD it has to do with the fact that today's society looks at marriage as disposable. Oh times are rough ok let's divorce. Most don't try and stick it out. Here's the thing about marriage. No matter what your stressor may be ASD, loss of job, other illness and yes you will have them you have a choice. You can say this is too hard I can't do this and run for the hills (easy way out). Or you can stand up and work through your challenges and in reality make your relationship and yourself stronger.

So basically here's my point. Stop blaming ASD and everything else under the sun for people just throwing away relationships because it's too hard (boo hoo cry me a freaking river). Let's start making people take responsibility and tell the truth that they were weak, scared, whatever their reasoning and choose to run instead of staying and doing the hard work all relationships take.

Anaphylaxis

Anaphylaxis now that is some fun stuff. Lets just say thanks to some kids popping balloons I got to experience it first hand.

First What is it?
"Anaphylaxis is a severe, potentially life-threatening allergic reaction. It can occur within seconds or minutes of exposure to something you're allergic to, such as a peanut or the venom from a bee sting.

The flood of chemicals released by your immune system during anaphylaxis can cause you to go into shock; your blood pressure drops suddenly and your airways narrow, blocking normal breathing. Signs and symptoms of anaphylaxis include a rapid, weak pulse, a skin rash, and nausea and vomiting. Common triggers of anaphylaxis include certain foods, some medications, insect venom and latex.

Anaphylaxis requires an immediate trip to the emergency department and an injection of epinephrine. If anaphylaxis isn't treated right away, it can lead to unconsciousness or even death." (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anaphylaxis/DS00009)

Now on to what happened.
We went to a friends house. Her son had graduated high school the day before and there were some leftover latex balloons. I didn't think anything of it when the kids grabbed a few and went in the other room  and started popping them. They were having fun.

My throat started feeling weird and I was a little dizzy so I stepped out for a minute. I came back in and it got a little worse so I said I have to go outside I can't be in here. So we all went outside. We were there for maybe 5 min and I grabbed my husband and about pulled him over. the sore feeling and dizzy had progressed to not being able to breath, I was confused, anxious, and  flush.

Husband at first didn't realize what was going on. He asked do you want me to call rescue. once I shook my head yes he knew oh shit this is bad. I was able to walk towards my house but collapsed in the driveway. I was still awake just not able to move anymore or talk. The response time for the squad was maybe 5min but that five min felt like hours to everyone.

I remember being put on the stretcher and a few things here and there but for the most part I don't have a clue. I know I got a IV, I know a ton of meds were use (I'm dreading this bill), I have to be on steroids, antihistamines and ativain for the next week while I ride the rest out. (the worst is over). They gave me a script for a new epipen because mine was so expired it couldn't be used. Of course the thing is $315 and they wonder why I didn't have a current one. We just can't afford it and do not have insurance so we kept putting it off. Of course wake up call we know I have to get one, I have to no ifs, ands, or butts. I could have died and a little shot may give me the few extra min I need for help to arrive.

My blood pressure never dropped mine went through the roof, my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest, the only way I could talk to anyone was to try and use my phone to type but little keys, not being able to breath, all the chaos going on it was hard.

Now we are left with explaining to Lucy what happened. That no it is not her fault. Add a new obsession making sure all late is out of the house.

I'm Sorry

To all the lives that have been snuffed out by a selfish person.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry this happened to you,
Please know you never deserved this.
No matter how much care you needed.
No matter how frustrated you got.
You didn't deserve this.
You never deserved to lose your life at the hand of someone who should have loved you.

You deserved Love,
You deserved care,
You deserved compassion,
Most of all You deserved to Live.

You deserved to love,
You deserved to feel joy, sadness, anger, most of all to feel loved.
You deserved to have friends,
You deserved to have a voice.

Instead someone decided that you were better off gone.
That you were less than.
For that I am sorry.
Your murderers will get no sympathy from me
I will do my best to make sure your stories are heard.
That people see how much you had to offer.

You were worthy of life.
I'm sorry you didn't get to live a long full life.
I'm sorry you were ruthlessly taken from this earth before your time.
We won't let your death be in vain.
Please know your loss is felt by many.
You have touched many whom never met you in life.

I hope you are at peace.
Your memory will never be forgotten.
In the words of Vince Gill
Go rest high on that mountain,

R.I.P. Alex

*TRIGGER*** MURDER***ABUSE***ETC

14 year old Alex Spourdalakis is longer on this earth. Why? Well the simple answer because two monsters, two people he should have been able to trust decided he should not live and stabbed him to death. His mother and godmother. I will not say their names because I want you to remember Alex's name not theirs.

You have to be a special kind of evil to stab your teenager multiple times. You know what they did afterwards? They showed no remorse they washed the knife and put it back in the butcher block. At some point after stabbing their child they both took a bunch of pills and laid down next to his body. They may have intended to die but they didn't. I would guess it was just for show and sympathy. If they really wanted to die they would have made sure they did.

Of course since Alex was autistic we only hear the bad about him. How stressful he made his mothers life, how violent he was, how his mother had no help. What about the good. I'm sure he brought joy to his family's life. The no help is a lie. DCSF reported that they offered mom help and she declined. She decided death was best Alex. They were found because Alex's father got worried when he could not reach them and called the police to check on him. I'm not sure how much of a role dad played but obviously he played some role if he not only called but was worried. Doesn't sound like a non caring dad who abandoned his child. But we don't know.

Very little is being reported other than to twist the story to the point that they make it sound justified because he was autistic. If this was a "normal" child there would be vigils. There would be people crying and saying how great he was how he didn't deserve this. There would be outrage. There would be demands for death for his murders.  Not statements like don't hurt this family further by jailing mom.

Instead we hear everything they can say to try and justify stabbing, they didn't pick a easy painless way to die. They picked a brutal and painful way to murder Alex. How did they look in his eyes while plunging a knife into his body. I won't make excuses for them and I will not accept any. You should not either. There is absolutely no justification for brutally murdering your own child.  They are murders and should receive the harshest punishment possible.

Dummy

Dummy by David Patten
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"From his birth in 1954, David Patten was unbearably sensitive to the world around him. Unable to concentrate or learn the basics of reading and writing, he was punished and pathologized, labeled lazy, stupid, and a troublemaker. David was finally diagnosed with dyslexia, among other elements in the autism spectrum. But at a time when these disorders were little understood, David was unable to get the help he needed, and he gradually fell into the dark underbelly of American life. David's struggle to survive and find a life worth living included time in a mental institution for attempted suicide at fourteen, and life as a drug dealer in Chicago's criminal underworld. Eventually, David's exceptional abilities in abstract and analytical thinking led him into the technology field, and a lucrative six-figure career as a crisis manager and trouble shooter. His story of gradually transforming disabilities into skills, hopelessness into freedom is a testament to the power of the human spirit." (www.amazon.com)

This book is not your typical autism story. Honestly I think the author mentioned autism maybe twice in the whole book. This was the story of his life and what he did many times to survive. The book starts off with David being fired from a job he has held for many years. The bosses pretty much backdoor him out by refusing to allow him to do his job the way he has for twenty plus years.

Then he starts to talk about his life. His early childhood, his parents, and his brothers. His mother took him to doctor after doctor trying to find out how to help him. He eventually left regular school after a suicide attempt and a brief stay in mental hospital, only to end up at one of the worst alternative schools in Chicago. He did some time as a drug dealer.

At one point he was so determined to get a high school diploma that he ended up living in an abusive situation in California separated from his mother. Eventually he escaped the situation. With some help from state offices he was able to graduate college.

It was a good story and the author has obviously been through alot but he doesn't look back on his experiences as bad. He looks at them as what made him who he is today.

*I received a copy of this book through netgally. All opinions are my own and I have not been compensated for them*

Sometimes You Have to Pull Back

IEP for High School is done. Roger is considered twice exceptional and really no one at the table had ever done an IEP for someone entering the Advanced High School program. So this was new to all of us, really it will be a learning curve for everyone. Overall good IEP.

After some discussion it was decided it's time to pull back the supports. We know he can handle it and he can do this. We needed to do it though because if we kept everything as is the supports would exclude him from the program that academically he needs. I know that sounds scary but sometimes you have to do it.

What it all means. Yes he will still be receiving supports. He still needs help with organization, he does not want to give up a elective for guided study. So we decided right now he gets to keep them. At the end of first quarter if his grades are slipping he will be put into the guided study class. We will have to come up with some other ideas for organizing. He will also still be receiving speech. He will no longer be in inclusion classes he is going straight gen ed.

It sounds a little rough but in order to prepare him for college we have to start pulling back a bit. If we find out he still needs something we can add it back. He also is one that if there is something he wants he is motivated. So this is how it goes:

He wants to be in the advanced program for IT - so he has to keep his grades up or they will kick him out
He wants to keep all electives - so he has to keep up with homework or he loses a elective

This doesn't mean we won't help him. Actually it is the opposite, we want him to advocate for himself. Tell us what he needs, come up with ways to help himself.

We are not setting him up for failure but it's sink or swim time. Roger is going to have to rise to the challenge of the advanced program. We know he can do it. He has it in him and we know he wants it bad enough.

With that Middle School is over and on to High School.

Summer in The No Guile House

www.99hdwallpaper.com 

Summer is almost here. We are in the last week of school. Rogers last day is today. He is exempt from the last three days since he has good grades and passed all his state tests. The school said so. You better believe that was one form from the school he didn't lose. The one that said He didn't have to go the last three days.

So now with summer it becomes what do we do with these kids? Usually they would go to some sort of summer day camp, but this year with being down a car and all the money that had to be paid to a lawyer we just don't have the funds. So onto plan B.

Come Saturday we will start our weekly visits to the library again. All kids and even mom are signed up for the reading programs. I will print out the schools reading list for each kid as well. (yeah printer broke months ago, library allows us to use theirs for free). I also buy the kids the summer bridge books. You can find them here, at most bookstores and teacher stores as well. I know I give them homework but it keeps their minds busy and helps them not to lose what they have learned all year.

They also planted a garden not to along with husband so they will have to take care of that. The big one is a few blocks away while we are planting a small one at the house for them as well. We just found out the community pool is only a street away so once we buy our family membership expect us to be there a lot.

The church about a block away also does Vacation Bible School so we may check into that as a option as well. Mostly we are stuck to what is walking distance and living in BFE that's not much. We will go to the beach and stuff on weekends when husband is home. Later in the summer we have the Surfers for Autism program to attend. Probably the highlight of the summer.

So what do you guys do? What are your low cost fun activities for summer time?

Wandering Part 2

I told you our wandering story here. I said part two would be what you can do. If you're looking up what to do about or how to curb wandering, I'm going to assume you already have all the locks and alarms on your doors. Plenty of blogs talk about locks, gates, and door alarms so I am not going to. Homestyle Mama has some pictures of her fortress. Seriously gates and locks galore. The National Autism Society offers The Big Red Safety Box. The thing is the boxes go fast when they are available.  I'm going to let the other bloggers tell you about in home security and some of their stories. There will be a list of links at the end.

There is another program that many communities have. It is typically run by the local police departments. Project Lifesaver. Originally it was started for Alzheimer's. The stats for Alzheimers are terrifying 50% of people with alzheimer's will wander and get lost. Nearly half of those if not found within 24 hours will die. The Stokes County Mountain Rescue started using radio tracking to find lost hikers. In 1999 The Chesapeake Sheriff's Office in VA developed Project Lifesaver to help locate lost citizens. SInce then the program has spread to over 300 localities in 33 states.

Project Lifesaver is a program for families of those with Alzheimer's, Autism, and other disabilities that make them a wandering risk. They use a bracelet that transmits a radio signal. Every second, 24 hours a day the person can be located. Each bracelet has a different signal so an individual can be located. The search and rescue teams associated with Project Lifesaver are trained in special needs. Most participants in the program are located in less than 30 min. 

Each locality is different so you would need to contact your local police department to see if they participate. A sheriff from Fairfax Counties program was nice enough to talk with me about their program. For their county to qualify for the program:

                                             1. You must be a resident of the county

               2. the client must have a legally responsible caregiver willing to place client into the program.

                             3. The client and caregiver must abide by the conditions of the program.

                                          4. You have to complete a application process.

The program is a mostly volunteer program. Most counties have set their program up as a charity and accept donations. The donations help the fund the program for residents whom may not be able to afford it otherwise.

Beyond Project Lifesaver there are things you can do as well that are very simple. Visit your local fire departments and police stations. Many now have listings of residents with special needs. Just for the staffs info. It helps them to know that hey I might want to check on this person or they may not act as I think they should if they encounter them in public.

Ancora Impartial has some great tips here. Keep your kids photo current, fingerprints, keeping track of scars and birthmarks. In the event that a loved one goes missing you may need this information. I can not stress the current photo enough. A while back a 14 year old went missing, the photo that was shown was of a 5 year old. That does not help anyone. Keep photos current. Most schools now send home a little ID card around school picture time even if you don't order photos. Take a second and slip it into your wallet. That one second could shave hours of the search. The 14 year was found and returned home safely shortly after a current photo was released hours after the initial photo. Descriptions are great but a photo sticks in peoples mind.

Other Blog Posts on Wandering and or home security:

Ancora-Impartial

Mommy Buddy

Deciphering Morgan

Autism Mom Diaries

Yeah Good Times

Thinking Persons Guide to Autism

Stay at Home Crazy

Several (76 to be exact) Links here

Wandering Part 1 My Story

I am going to write this in two parts. Part one is my personal story of having a child who wanders. Part two will be information about what can be done to help curb wandering though nothing is foolproof.

Wandering it can happen to anyone. That's why I don't understand when a child wanders and just happens to be autistic one of the first questions NT parents ask is where were the parents? Like it could never happen to them, well I got news for you it can. I told the story of losing Roger here. He used to wander away in stores but now that he is older he tells me where he is going and yes he has a cell phone attached to him.

My wanderer is my "normal" kid. Really Porkchop is known for just wandering off. Something or someone gets his attention and he is off.Have I mentioned he's a hemophiliac too. So yeah first thought is the kid is bleeding somewhere. The first time he was three or four. I had gone to the bathroom (thats all it takes) and he was sleeping on the couch. Well he woke up and I was not there. He assumed I went to the bus stop to get his brother and sister. Out the door he went to walk to the bus stop which was half a block away.

I wasn't there of course so he kept walking. So while he is out on his walk. I am tearing the house apart looking for him. At first I thought he was hiding he likes to do that. He is also the worst hide and seeker ever he can't stop laughing. I called my husband and he said keep looking, I called him back and said he's not in the house, not in the yard, he is nowhere. So he left work and flew home. As he was driving down the street he saw one of the other moms who just happened to work from home walking down the street with him.

She told us that he had come to her house two blocks away and down a busy street. I mean people flew down our street like it was a highway. He crossed it. Apparently one of the elderly ladies was going for a walk  saw him and just followed him for a while to make sure he didn't get hurt. He took her to the other moms house and said my friend lives here. The lady almost didn't answer her door but decided to see who was there and saw porkchop with some old lady. The other mom tried to get him in her car to bring him home but he refused to get in the car so she walked him home.  That was a very long hour for all of us. The police were called but by the time they got there he was back.

That's not the only time he has done it. In the house we currently live in he has wandered off twice in the past year. The first time was right after we moved in and he saw some kids playing down the street so he went to play he just didn't bother to tell anyone where he was going just hopped on his bike and off he went. The other time he went to a friends house. I knew where he was going but the friend couldn't play and on the way home another kid caught his attention so he went there instead of home.

We have a creek in my yard so yes when one kid goes missing it's the first place I check. Does my child wandering off make me a bad parent, no. No one can stay on their kid every second of everyday and all it takes is half a second and they are gone. It can happen to any parent autism or not.

Kids Today

Little rant/response to some news stories from yesterday. FYI I am speaking about so-called "normal" kids. So don't get your panties in a wad and yell at me about special needs."

On any given day there is some story about how some kids rights were validated at school. Back in my day that would have been a girl not being allowed to take shop, or a boy being denied home economics class. Yeah it happened in my time too. Well not today. Yes there are true stories of rights being violated in schools. The problem is they are being pushed down and covered up by the whiny parents that are going to sue the school because their child didn't make the team. Therefore their rights were violated.

Ummm no they weren't. They were allowed to try out for the team correct? Ok so they were not good enough. What happened to I'm sorry maybe next year Johnny. Nope now Johnny's mom storms into the school and demands Johnny be placed on the team or she will sue. So what have we thought Johnny. We have taught him that he is entitled to whatever he wants. Does not matter that he did not make the cut, or didn't work hard to make it. Nope mama will come get me on the team. Roger recently tried out for the track team. He didn't make it. His response sure he was disappointed but he said oh well maybe next year. He's now looking at trying out for soccer next year as well in high school. Basically my autistic kid had a better reaction to being cut than many of the "normal" kids.

Another example, kids breaking dress code.(here and here) They wear something they know will not be accepted and then act surprised and scream I have a right to wear what I want when they are reprimanded for breaking the rules. I worked in schools you would be surprised how many parents would yell and scream that if they say their child can wear it it's none of our business. Well we have a dress code so it sort of is.  The rules are there for a reason. What have we taught our kids now? That the rules don't apply to them. My kids have a lot of hand me downs and some of them are not school appropriate. Lucy knows some of her dresses she needs to wear a shirt under. Roger has a couple graphic tees that could be taken the wrong was so he doesn't wear them to school.

One story I saw (here) were a group of kids acting like fools not following the rules and were kicked off a plane. They still got to their destination though it took longer. Of course parents pitch a fit Johnny missed part of his vacation because you kicked him off. Wait how about sorry Johnny I know you missed part of the fun but your actions are the reason for it. Not go demand airline vouchers because your kid screwed up. .

Or how about the article that schools should just relax about cheating. (it is here) That what they call cheating is acceptable behavior in the workforce. Umm no it's not. One thing they said was some of the best workers know how to ask others for help on work projects. Maybe a little true, but if you are always asking others to help with your work eventually the boss is going to figure it out, others are going to get sick of you not being able to do your own job. Then guess what yep fired.  Schools to allow collaboration on projects, papers, and even some tests. They also teach students that there is a time and place for collaboration that every assignment is not that time. The craziest idea is to allow cell phones in the classroom. In todays classrooms there are computers and internet, some even let kids bring their own laptops and use the wifi. SO there is no need to use a phone to look up information. Lets be truthful here the kids would be texting each other not looking up information and not paying attention.

Where am I going with all this. Let's just say I'm worried for the next generation. We are going to have a bunch of spoiled entitled rulebreakers on our hands. They are not capable of doing anything themselves because mommy and daddy have done it all for them. They do not know how to handle disappointment because they don't have to mom and dad save them and make it all better.

I have seen kids that are so coddled that at age seventeen they cannot be left alone at home for more than maybe thirty min. Or they are calling mom and dad to come home. Your seventeen almost a adult and you cannot stay home alone. You need your parents at your beckon call. The worst is when the parents actually drop what they are doing and go home.

These same kids seem to be making the rules in the house they tell mom and dad it's time to go to bed, it's time to be quiet. No you can't be too far from me. The parents have become codependent on their children that neither can function without the other nearby.

What are we coming too. We are supposed to be their parents not their friends. We are supposed to help them stand up and do things for themselves not do it for them. We are supposed to teach them to take responsibility for their actions not help them break the rules. We are supposed to be preparing them for the world. Instead I fear we are preparing an entire generation to fail.

Just A Girl

TRIGGER WARNING!!! Rant/Cursing/makes no sense its all in here

Post from my personal page a couple days ago:

"Here's the deal. A lot and I mean a lot of people want to pass me off as a stupid girl. What they fail to realize is nine times out of ten I am the smartest person in the room. So go ahead think I'm stupid I know better."

Now to those people I say FUCK YOU! Which degree would you like to see? My nursing, medic, marketing, how about my biochem? I am by far not stupid. Do I miss things like stupid jokes and sometimes body language. Sure but I think at times we all do. That doesn't make me stupid it makes me human. I'm not perfect no one is.

These same people have the attitude that I'm just a girl, therefore I have to depend on my husband to take care of me. You wouldn't believe the crappy comments I have gotten just based on being a stay at home mom. That I can't take care of myself.  You don't know my whole story. You don't know that I was a single mom for ten years. You were not around when I was working multiple jobs just to make ends meet. You were not there when I fought in court for my son.

You make fun because there must be something wrong with me because I'm on my second marriage. Again You were not there. You have no clue what went on. You did not live in that marriage. You say my husband is overreacting when he tells you to shut it when you say he should smack me around. Guess what I have already been there done that. My husband does not and will not raise a hand to me. So you can take your caveman ideas and keep walking.

At first I was letting your words get to me. Your ideas, your beliefs about me got to me for a while. Really they did. It got so bad my husband asked if I wanted to move to get away from all of it. Now you see it's not that easy to get rid of me. I'm not going to allow your childish ways (thats what they are) run me off. I'm not going to uproot my kids take them from their schools and their friends, because someone wants to act like a teenage girl. (really you should grow up)

So say what you want, think what you want. I don't give a fuck anymore. You may want to live in drama land but I don't. For all it's worth I'm walking away from it. I will no longer allow you to attempt to destroy me. You see me a weak little girl. I'm here to tell you I'm one of the strongest people you will ever meet.

I can take a lot of crap. I am more than willing to help people I will stay civil because well that's what needs to be done. I don't need to start a war but when it comes to you my give a damn's busted. Unless what you are saying or doing affects my house I don't care.

Next time you wonder out loud why people who used to be friends no longer come around, take a look at yourself and what you are doing. Maybe then you will see that you are the one chasing everyone off.

A Shave Please, But Don't Cut My Throat!

Mama Fry asked this question yesterday on her page:

"Shaving, how the heck do you teach that? Kiddo is no where near needing it but you know, I like to get jump on panicking about something. So, hit me up with your tips fries!"

You can see all the great answers she got here. There were plenty of use an electric razor, top to bottom, and even one just go Duck Dynasty and don't shave. We have ventured into the shaving realm of life. I never thought that anyone would want to read about it but here I am telling y'all how we handled this one.



First off Roger needed to shave at age 12 he already had a mustache coming in but we waited until age 13. For his mustache he just uses a eyebrow trimmer. Really it works. It's small enough to get in there and really hard to cut yourself with. Oh and it is really cheap typically about $10-$15. The first few times one of us did it for him but now he does it on his own.


Pretty much he only has a mustache. He takes after his dad who has very little facial hair so he does not have to shave everyday, heck he doesn't have to shave every week. Now my husband does not use an electric razor. They just don't get close enough, so all we had was a normal razor and shaving cream. Yeah that's scary for a kid. I shaved husband (yeah he let me near him with a sharp object now thats trust) first so kid could watch and see yes I know what I'm doing, and no I wont cut you. Had to remind the kid when I worked in nursing homes that's all I did all day was shave people.

I found a electric razor for a good price. The kind with three circles. In my experience they are easier to care for. Check the sales after christmas. They always have a few random gift packs they need to get rid of. That takes the whole mess of shaving cream out of the picture.

Now a electric razor does not mean no maintenance. you still have to take care of it. The blades need to be kept clean and in good condition to avoid cuts. Trust me a uncared for electric razor can cut the crap out of you. Using a product such as Letric Shave before shaving helps as well.

So there you have it our straightforward approach to shaving, There is nothing scary about it at all. Just figure out what works for you. Now I just have two more boys to get through this stage as well. The girl oh she's a whole other ballgame.

IEP Organization

It's IEP season. Ok some of you are already done with school but out here we still have two weeks and some will have IEP's during the summer. I figured while I have everything pulled out I can show you how I organize for our IEP meetings.

I organize in two ways. I have a notebook with dividers that hold the most current information. I also use a Ipad app called paperdesk pro. I will explain both of these in more detail. I bring both the notebook and the Ipad to the meeting. You never know when technology will fail so I have hard copies of everything as well. 

I will start with the notebook first.

Just a basic leather 2 inch notebook

Back Cover

Inside Cover 

 This is my notebook. I used my old work notebook. It is leather and holds up well. It also has a calculator in the front cover, pockets with dividers, and a notepad in the back. You never know what you may need. I use the front pocket to hold onto any new papers I am given during the IEP so they are not lost.

I use a color coded divider system. The first page is numbered 1-10. Each number has a different color and a space to write what is in the section. (please excuse the crossing out as I repurposed this notebook from its previous use).

I have the sections divided as such: (I have changed them a bit from the picture)

1. Current IEP - This is the IEP that is currently in effect.
2. Past IEP/504- The previous years IEP goes here.
3. Report Cards/ Progress Reports- All of the current year's report cards.
4. Progress Reports- This is for the years IEP progress reports.
5. Dr. Reports- all the reports I receive from doctors go here. I use post it notes labeled with the Dr. name to separate them and be able to reach them quickly.
6. School Testing- Any testing the school has done related to the IEP go here.
7. State Testing- Any state testing reports go here.
8. Ideas to Help- Any idea we have that may help go here. I have even made photo copies of pages from books and placed it here.
9. IDEA/FAPE- any part that may apply to us (not the whole thing) goes here. In a high stress situation sometimes you need it as a reminder.
10. The counties special education regulations- Don't throw that booklet aside keep it with you. Read it highlight if needed, you never know when you may have to refer to it.

Just having the most current and the previous years hard copies on hand have helped me. I am able to look at say no we tried that last year it didn't work or hey look at the years report cards what happened between semester one and two? A IEP is a team effort and having some ideas to bring to the table is welcome. I have never been told no you can't toss some ideas out. One thing I was taught in business school which I bring to my meetings is, never walk into a managers office with just the problem always have some ideas for solutions on hand. They may not be followed but at least you are showing effort rather than hey this is wrong fix it for me.

Now for the Ipad. I use a app called Paperdesk pro. The app can be found here. You can set up separate notebooks for each person or subject. I have one for each child plus one for notes, as wella s one for books that I need to review. There are also file folders which you can save PDF files too. I have the school email me copies of testing and IEP and I store them here as well. The app allows me to hold onto an electronic file as well as hard copies. You can also email notes and such to others if needed from the app.






So there it is. My organization systems in a nutshell. I bought paperdesk pro myself. I was not given it nor was I asked to do any sort of review on it. Just thought it was a cool app to share with everyone. I received no compensation for it.

For more info on the app here is a review from youtube that shows in more detail what it does.